Imani
(Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran)
So, honey, now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
Maybe we found love right where we are
"That's it! I can't take it anymore!" I shout at the TV playing one of my favourite love songs, throwing the TV remote at the screen as tears stream down my sad face.
Everything in this house seems to trigger a meltdown. Everything reminds me of Jaden and makes me think of the life we could have with our son. But that's all just a silly pipe dream and a sob manages to break through my lips that I've pressed into a thin line. It's been two weeks and I'm totally going stir crazy. I need to get out of here before I have a full on mental breakdown.
I scurry out of bed and put on a pair of black leggings and a loose tunic top that lands mid-thigh. I leave my hair in the doek (head scarf) I went to bed in and shuffle out of the house in my fluffy slippers.
I'm out of here!
*
*
*
"Imani what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in bed?" Marcel questions me with a raised brow as I wheel into my empty office.
"This is my business is it not?" I look up at him with an arched brow. "Anyway the doctor said I must stay off my feet...I am not on my feet as you can see." I gesture to the electric wheelchair I'm sitting in.
"Oookay..." Marcel replies hesitantly like he wants to say more but one look at my puffy agitated eyes has him thinking better of it. "Do you need anything?" He finally asks.
"No I'm good thanks just get me up to speed on what's going on." I swivel around to the back of my desk and park the chair. With its bulky black leather build one would swear it was a standard office chair.
He nods in agreement before settling in a chair across from me and starts updating me on what's been going on in my absence. Apparently some clients weren't pleased that I wouldn't be handling their events personally but Marcel settled them down with the news of my medical issues. I'm not thrilled about having people know about my condition but if it keeps my business going I can't really get too upset. The show must go on!
I tune in and out of his lengthy report as unwanted thoughts keep filtering into my mind. Thoughts of Jaden. Our time together. What went wrong. My uncertain future. My hand unconsciously rubs over my belly protectively and my brows furrow as I try hard to dislodge the thoughts from my brain. .I don't need this right now! I thought leaving the house would free me of the clutches of ghosts past, but it seems he is determined to ruin my life even in his absentia.
"Ahhh!" I cry out unexpectedly as I feel a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. Oh God not again!
"Imani! Are you okay? What's wrong?!" Marcel frantically asks coming to my side. He rubs my back as I sit doubled over in agony.
I try to breathe through the pain but another sharp pain shoots through my lower back and I start cramping. Oh God it hurts! I pant breathlessly as the pain pummels my body and the tears start to flow. "M-marcel...h-h-hospital," is all I am able to stammer out. This feels worse that the first episode and my heart beats wildly as I worry for my unborn child. Please live. I'm so sorry! Please live for mommy! I plead with my little fighter as Marcel whisks me to his car and I fade in and out of consciousness on the speedy drive to the hospital.
I just want my baby to live...
*
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*
"I've given you a steroid shot to help keep baby in as long as possible. Thankfully this episode didn't have any bleeding but it doesn't mean you are out of the woods." Dr. Rayman looks at me seriously as he speaks. "You really need to be careful now. You're just shy of 7 months and we want to push for at least 7 1/2 to 8 months for delivery. Now you need to stay in BED and not get upset. Emotional distress could trigger another episode. I'm booking you in for a few days to keep an eye on you, okay?"
"Okay. Thank you Dr Rayman." I speak solemnly as guilt eats me up inside.
"Okay I'll see you tomorrow. Get some rest." He pats my hand reassuringly before turning and leaving me in the private room with Marcel.
Tears silently slide down my face as the guilt eats at me. If I had just stayed home and not let my feelings get the best of me none of this would've happened. I'm a terrible my mother. How could I put my baby at risk like that? Maybe God should take him. I don't deserve him.
"Hey, don't cry Nini." Marcel gently wipes my tears with his red silk handkerchief. "I know it's scary but you're both alive and well. We're going to keep it that way." He soothes me with his words as he bends over the bed and embraces me. I feel safe in his arms and I work to calm myself so as not to endanger my baby more today. The tears finally stop flowing and I am able to take a breath without hicupping.
Marcel pulls back and searches my no doubt swollen face. "Better?" He asks softly and I nod yes. "Good. Now don't get mad at what I'm about to say next..." he opens and closes his mouth in hesitation and I give his hand an encouraging squeeze. "You need to tell Jaden. You're not coping and you need the kind of support we can't give you. He needs to know." He finishes with a heavy sigh and I pull my hand away as though he's burnt me with boiling water.
"I don't need him!" I respond defiantly. I wasn't expecting this from him and it completely throws me for a loop.
"Imani please. Calm down. I just think you need the support only two parents going through the same situation can give each other. It's his kid too and he needs to take responsibility and take care of you."
"Well you thought wrong. I don't need or want his support. He made his choice-" Marcel interrupts me. "Yes, before he knew about the baby. Aren't you at least curious about why he left? I think you owe it to yourself to at least get closure cause it's eating you up inside."
"I don't need closure. I don't need anything from that boy. Me and my child are better off without him. He had his fun with the fat girl and he left! You all just need to let it be!" I roll over onto my right side, turning my back to him, signalling the end of the conversation. I squeeze my eyes shut tight and totally block out the rest of the world.
I'm so sick of people trying to force Jaden back into my life! Why can't they just let sleeping dogs lie?
YOU ARE READING
Baby Can I Upgrade You?
RomantikImani Bello is a workaholic. She runs her own events company, Black Cherry Events, which has blossomed into one of the biggest in the country. At twenty-eight and highly successful, Imani has eliminated the word fun from her vocabulary, that is unti...
