Baby Can I Upgrade You?

17. Damages

Imani

"Today's a big day boy boy. You're going to get to meet your gogo (grandma), mkhulu (grandpa) and khokho (great-grandma)" I speak to my big 6 month old bump as I lovingly rub coconut oil around my belly. Munchie moves around and I take it he's excited too.

I must admit I have mixed feelings about the long overdue meeting. I'm excited to share my good news with my family but I also feel guilty for keeping it from them for so long. I know I shouldn't have but the shame surrounding the circumstances of this pregnancy had me feeling like a wayward teenager for the longest time and I just couldn't bring myself to face disappointing my family. My gogo is going to be so disappointed that I'm having a child out of wedlock but there's nothing I can do about that now. I sigh at the prospect of letting down the people who raised me and I walk into my walk-in wardrobe to find something to wear.

I pick out a fitted black maxi. dress and a colourful kimono. I'm going to use the kimono's billowing shape to hide my bump when I first walk in so I can break the news to them in a calm way.

I quickly get dressed, brush my natural hair up into a big bun on the top of my head and slip on my jewelled black sandals. I'm glad i haven't experienced massive leg swelling so I'm still able to wear my nice shoes but I'm not going to try my luck in heels today. I grab my red leather tote bag and pull my car keys off the hook by the front door as I walk out of the house.

It's going to be a long day...

*
*
*

"Hawu why aren't you eating my chakalaka? I made it especially for you." My gogo questions as I play with the spicy salad on my plate. I would eat it to avert suspicion but the heartburn is just not worth it. I've gotten away with my little secret so far by avoiding physical contact with them and only giving side hugs.

I think it's time to let the cat out of the bag...

"Well mama, papa and gogo I have some big news to share with you." I put my fork down and look around the table at my family members. Their expectant expressions have a lump forming in my throat but I swallow it down and open my mouth for the big reveal. "Ngimithi (I'm pregnant)."

An eerie silence fills the room and then my mom laughs. "Hayi yekela ukudlala (stop playing)! You're not pregnant!" They all join in her laughter and I silently stand up, taking off my kimono which exposes my distended belly.

"Jesu! wenzeni (what have you done)?!" My gogo shouts out with her hands on her head. My mom has stopped laughing and her hand covers her mouth while her eyes are wide with shock. I look over to find my dad silently shaking his head. This is exactly what I feared.

I stay silent as I let the news sink in and take in their various reactions. I don't know what I can say to make make the situation better. Thankfully papa speaks calmly, his words slicing through the chaos of reactions. "Bathong what happened my child?"

"I uhm met this guy and I thought it was going to be something serious. I wasn't trying to get pregnant, it happened by accident. I actually found out after he left." I speak softly with my head down in shame.

"Hayi mntanami (no my child)! Mama chimes.

"This is what is wrong with today's youth! Always sleeping around and not waiting for marriage! This wouldn't have happened if ubuya esontweni washada umzalwane (you went to church and married a Christian man)!" My gogo berates me harshly and my shame slips down my face in hot tears.

"Ma, awume (stop)! Mdala lo muntu (she is grown). Yes, she's made a mistake but she's not an irresponsible teenager. She's more than capable of looking after her child." My mother finally speaks up and I'm surprised she's coming to my defence. My gran huffs in indignation but doesn't speak further. "How far along are you?" Mama asks in a gentle voice.

"6 months." I speak softly wiping away my tears.

"Haibo!" Gogo exclaims.

"Ha, Imani how could you keep this from us for so long?" My mother asks with shock greater than when I first broke the news.

I open my mouth to respond but papa interject. "Probably because she was afraid of our reactions. Sheba (just look), you are jumping down her throat for one transgression when she's been a model child till now." He addresses them with an stern tone and then reaches over to grab my shaking hand. "My child I'm not thrilled at the circumstances surrounding your pregnancy but a child is a blessing and I'm excited to be a mkhulu finally. You're no longer a spring chicken and I was starting to worry that you'd never havea child of your own. This must be God answering my prayers." He squeezes my hand and gives me a reassuring smile.

I smile back at him and the weight of the world lifts off of my shoulders. I've always been a daddy's girl and his reaction is exactly what I need. My dad just gets me and has always put my happiness first. I can't remember a time where he didn't catch when I fell and this time is no exception. He is my hero.

The heaviness in the room lifts and I don't feel as judged so I decide to reveal Munchies gender. "I'm having a boy. I'm happy he'll have you to teach him to be a good man." I give my dad a big smile and he jumps up clapping his hands and cheering. We all laugh at he's reaction and even gogo's icy demeanour melts.
Papa comes to kneel next to my seat and places his hands on my belly. He starts speaking to my belly telling Munchie how excited he is to meet him and that he is very welcome to the family. I smile happily at his antics and I'm once again reassured that I made the right decision in keeping him. He is wanted.

"While this is all good and well," gogo speaks up, gesturing at my father and I. "There are still traditions to be met. You have disregarded them this far but now that we know, things will be done correctly. Kumele sibikhe isisu (report the pregnancy to his family) and that young man needs to pay inhlawulo (damages)."

I just sigh at her words and I look to see my parents nodding in agreement. I really want nothing to do with Jaden and I don't need cultural obligations forcing him back in. If he wanted to be here he would be.

I'll pay my own damn inhlawulo (damages) if I have to!