Love of the Times...! // காலங்கள் ஓய்ந்தாலும் காதல்...!

Crush

The days are always good but it remains to be a good day or turns to be a bad day only because of the emotions that we go through. At the same time, it depends on how we take those emotions. Whether to share it with someone or just dip it in the mind and fry our hearts with pain. Everyone gets this question when they're hurt; "With whom do I tell this? And who will understand this situation from my point of view?"

Yes; when I felt like if Janiii treated me in such a way... I was damn hurt and I was literally mad at her. If ever she was in front of me, I would have slapped and said to her that you're just special the way you are and I don't know if how many other guys will treat you this way. But I will treat you better than each day and I promise it.
Unfortunately, the truth was she was not with me... I mean, in front of me. I needed someone to share the pain or I needed to go through this in a comfortable way.

It was exactly 11:30 PM and I was dipped in with heartbreak. I felt like doing something, something to myself maybe... so I went to the mirror and looked at myself. I was literally mad. I was to beat the mirror horribly but then I saw the key on the table which is right next to the cupboard. I never knew what happened, why I looked at the table, or why I saw the key. I took my jacket and the key. I know I had my home key in my wallet. Nobody knew that I'm gonna go out. I locked my front door and pushed my RE to the road because I knew if in case I start her and mom hears the sound I know I can't do it at that time...
The longer you wait, the terrible the anger becomes. I was mad as hell. Usually, it takes three to four minutes to reach Musi but that day it took only a minute. I picked him and I went. I never knew where am I gonna go. I had no plans but only one thing in my mind. "I was just another guy to her" which was repeatedly knocking my head. I had no option but to deal with the pain. I was never that fast. I know Musi is never scared about my riding but after 20 minutes of a thundering ride, he forced me to stop.

When I stopped the first question he was shouting at me
"What the hell has happened to you?
What the hell is wrong with you?
It's almost 12:00 now... Midnight... if ever police caught us?
What are you gonna do? You mad?
People will think if we're smuggling"

Hey... dude... Look. I knew you're ever ready if I need you. And this time you understand right?
I'm not up with my mind. I wanted to go through it. I never had an option bro... I replied.

You never had an option? Musi shouted...
Bro, we haven't stopped in a good place. Let's go somewhere and stop the bike in a better place and then talk let's go... It was in the midst of a small forest area surrounded by tall trees.
I took him to a small restaurant and I had to speak to him. I explained everything about Janiii.
Musi: Hey.. do you love her?
I smiled at him with my heart and Huh.. dude, I just met her once.
Actually, you don't know.. I went only for her.
Nobody knows bro. Only my RE does.
You were scared to be on this ride until we get to this restaurant yeah?
But that ride was divine...
waiting is a divine feeling and it has pain but that pain has a sweetness. I sensed it all, throughout that ride on that day man...
I made you scared today. If you were with me on the other day, You would have loved it.
I was damn happy, eager, scared about how she would take it, I was truly having a mixed feel. But then all those feelings reflected on my ride too.
I could see people looking at me like a wonder. I was literally smiling at everyone but laughing at me within. I was kind of slow but I could hear the calmness of my RE's roar like a calm music beats of a bass drum with one second on and one second off. "Dum... dum... dum...". That's the lowest sound that an RE could make.
I was loving the whole ride man.
I was a kind on that day!
Then I reached.
I never had met her before. The moment I saw her, I felt like I wanna go on a speeeeeed ride with full of happiness. Wind on my face, endless road, skies until the eye sights, her on the doubles(if possible).
I felt like taking her on a ride. But I could only say a "Hi" and melt. But I couldn't show that to her. I was pretending as if I am normal but I wasn't.
That day.. it was lit I could see her show her colors to me in front of everyone. I was literally proud of her. I wish she's always the same.
I was there for more than 8 hours. It was her college cultural program and I was there for her, only for her. Those eight or more hours... my mind was torturing me to take her on a ride. At least to a coffee shop and have my dream coffee with her.
I was scared to ask her, I was scared if she would say "No" and if that will hurt me.
Dude.. her eyes you know? They killed me, man...
I was literally blushing...

Musi saw me blush and said.
Hey bro... I haven't seen you this way man. I know you're so emotional, sensitive, and kind. But this version of yourself is very rare to see. So you say,  this is not Love?
Me: Yeah... I think so... this is not Love yet.
I mean, I'm not ready for love yet again... you know my past and I'm very much scared to have a relapse yet again. I know Janiii is not such a girl, she will never treat me or any guy the way I was treated in my past but... I'm scared. Don't ask me anything about it. I think I have a crush on her and that's really good. It's a good feel man... you'll only know it if you have been through.

Musi: This is not you man, (Musi was laughing )
Me: Don't make jokes of me dude I am already pissed!!
Musi: Dude... I too have crushes and you know about it. Having a crush is a divine feel, no body can explain it perfectly.
No one would ever respect them as we do, no one would love them the way we do, no one would admire the things that they do the way we do and no one ever would have an idea how much we stalk them for what they are. You know what?
Having a crush is a sweet pretend but the battles we mentally have for that are really horrible because you always have an open-ended question about everything about the other person.
Me: Seriously? Is this you? What movie did you watch today?
Musi: What?
Me: What movie did you watch and from whom you copied these lines
Musi: What the fffff? Are you kidding me? I was expressing my feelings bro...
Me: (Sarcastically) Wow...
Musi: Okay, temme what's your problem now? Do you say you are just another guy to her? What happened?
Me: Macha... அது உனக்கு சொன்னா புரியாது மச்சா...

See, now I got the point. As you said it's all an open-ended question at the end of the day. Maybe she behaved that way for me to not have any expectations or she would have thought I'm too much towards her or there could be other reasons too. Problem sorted let's go

Musi: What? (Musi was staring at me as if I slapped him)
How is the problem sorted?
What are you speaking dude?

Me: Macha... it was a mental conflict bro.
I know I would have it until I propose to her or she proposes to me which is a blue moon. Also, I don't think she will accept me even if I propose and the chances of proposing to her are only two percent as of now.
Let's see... it's all a question mark and I love this crush feel bro. That's like a mint inside my heart.
Let's go let's go let's go. This climate makes me speak a lot and I would blabber too much man.

On the way back was a slow ride. We were both absorbing the cool air, enjoying the night sky, counting the vehicles, commenting about all the houses, singing some melodies ourselves (which is usual stuff when we both go out), and loving nature.
Suddenly;
Me: But you're great man, you spoke a film dialogue and consoled me, actually changed my mindset (I was literally teasing him and I was laughing so loud that night)
Musi: You still think it's a movie dialogue? It's my own feelings man...
Me: Okay okay. I believe don't die now

The road was mostly empty, it was ours. Slow ride, loud voices. Only us and my Royal Enfield spoke!