THE years that I stayed in that relationship has come to me like a wind that kissed my hair, it blew me perfectly. The faith that I once had when I definitely knew I was his has vanished. I never knew this could happen. I thought it would last for a lifetime although it did last, but just for some time.
In the game of tug of war, two opposite sides struggle for dominance in holding onto the rope. What would you do if you were holding onto the rope while the other side is constantly pulling it on the their end? Would you still keep on holding on until the other one loses its grip? Or would you let go to stop the pain from trying to stop getting dragged and pulling the other to your side? Apparently, whoever wins, it'll still be over. Whoever loses, the relationship is still over. Truth is, letting go is easier than holding on. Especially when the war is between him and you, not the both of you against all odds.
They say, when you love someone, you need to let them go. And yes, I did. I finally did. But no, it wasn't because I love him, it's because I realized I love myself more. I can't afford to lose myself just because of wanting to keep him. The more I hold on trying to pull him to my end, the more I get hurt. The strength I've put on trying to get him back is like a dagger to my soul.
Holding on to that relationship was like committing suicide through drowning myself. I grasped for air unknowingly trying to look for survival but I'm still down under, trying to kill myself. Like how a person experiences flashing of memories minutes before dying, a question struck my system, "Why would I get down on my knees to a man when I am the woman? Why would I chase after a man when I AM THE WOMAN?", I asked myself.
That's when I learned how to swim. If there's someone who could save me from drowning at that point, that would be me. I learned to let go of the idea of him and his immature love. There's no way someone other than you could get you out of the mess you've started. I realized I've been trying to save others from drowning but why can't I do it for myself?
He was like an intestinal parasite and I was his host. Thus, a parasitic relationship. He kept on taking something away from me, exploits things that's beneficial to him, yet, he is causing me harm. He never gave back the love I longed and deserved. For once, I even thought that "we" exist because I had to attend to his needs. I thought he needed me. I was a hesitant to think he was just using me and that he only desire to have me for his self. I've let him deceive me once, twice, thrice, NO, for countless times. I perceived it was love when it really wasn't.
NO, I'm not a puppet and definitely, not his toy. God says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord". Woman, let him pursue you. If you want a good man who takes responsibility, don't pursue him. If he really needs you, he needs you. There's no more question to ask. How he acts is how he respects your relationship. And when respect is nowhere to be found, THEN LEAVE. Do it for yourself.
I was a forgiver. He had my softest side. He had benefited my warm heart. I almost didn't know I could give up on some people because I have always chose to understand and believe their goodness. It was until I'm done extending my arms to those who don't want to reach it. I got walked on so many times that I had no choice but to let go of him who created holes in my heart.
I knew I needed to prioritize myself. I'm just so done with him. I can't grow as a person with having him. For that, I knew for certain that I have to let go of him. I deserve a love that isn't unkind.
I'm certain of letting him go because I deserve a relationship that gives me a peace of mind, not some piece of shit.
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Hello guys! Good day! I am so glad for all of the love you've shown to this diary. I started writing some entries here to ease the pain I was feeling on my past relationship but I never expected that my words can influence and touch others too. ~sending virtual hugs~
Now, it has already come to an end. As I look back and read my entries, I can't really fathom that I've reached this point of letting go because at first, I was uncertain.
Anyways, to all the bleeding ladies out there, read your bible. It helps! Maybe the reason why I had all the guts to stop it was because I've let God direct my path. Now, I am just praying to be the person that's worth for a love story that is written by God.
Hopefully, the next time that I can publish an entry, it would be about a love that is worth it. Where I won't write words that'll hit like daggers but words that'll melt your hearts! Buckle up ladies, we deserve the best! Try to listen to the song I've put in the multimedia to calm your hearts from desperation.
XOXO♥️
