Screaming. That's the only noise in the house as I gently rock back and forth in the rocking chair. "Baby shhh. I'm here it's okay. There's no need to cry." I feel tears start to build up in my own eyes while I try my hardest to quiet down my one month old daughter Sabrina. With Alex being gone almost every day, I am forced to do this all by myself, and it seems like I never have a break even for a moment.
Finally after a few more minutes of crying, for both her and I, the little baby in my arms starts to quiet down and drift off to sleep. I gently stand up and place her down in her crib, standing there for a minute to make sure she doesn't wake up right away.
After enjoying the peace for a few moments, I realize that Alex should be getting home soon so I wait in the kitchen for his arrival. The Astros game ended about an hour ago, and it was a tough loss so he should get home quicker than normal.
After scrolling through twitter and instagram for about 10 minutes, I hear the door open and very loudly slam shut. A grumpy looking Alex Bregman appears in front of me, just as Sabrina's startled cries fill both of our ears.
"Thanks." I mumble and shake my head as I walk past Alex towards the nursery. When I make it through the door, I see that her face is red and scrunched up, but I know I can't be angry at her. She's a little baby and she doesn't know what's going on, no doubt scared out of her mind from the loud door slamming just moments earlier. "Momma's here baby, don't worry." I coo as I lift her up and into my arms, her screams subsiding almost instantly.
She sniffs a few times as her eyes look up at me curiously. "I know baby, go back to sleep I've got you now." I sway back and forth with her in my arms and lightly sing to her, coaxing her back to sleep. Finally, her eyes close and her breathing gets less ragged, and I set her back down softly.
I don't give any attention to Alex when I walk back into the kitchen, I just grab a glass of water and sit at the table on my phone. "Don't act like her waking up was my fault!" Alex looks at me like he had no idea that a loud noise will wake up a sleeping baby.
"How the hell was it not, Alex? You know how hard it is to get her to sleep in the first place. Or are you not home enough to remember?" I didn't necessarily mean to turn this into a thing about him never being home, but when he isn't playing baseball he has plenty of time off. Instead of spending it with his brand new daughter, he spends it all with his friends at the bar or at someone's house.
"It's not like I can just put my career on hold! It's my job." I can see the anger in his eyes as he walks closer to where I stand.
"I'm not talking about baseball, Alex, I'm talking about the partying and drinking all the time with the boys. You can't do that anymore, you have a family now!" Apparently, my words were the last straw, because this sends Alex into a fit of anger.
"Yeah, a family that I never fucking asked for. I never wanted to get you pregnant. You think I want all this responsibility and restrictions? All I want is to have a little fun without having to deal with you!" At this point he's yelling, and the look in his eyes is one I have never seen before.
"Get out." Those are the only words I can get out of my mouth, and they're barely any louder than a whisper.
"What?" He doesn't seem to understand two simple words.
"Get. Out. And don't even bother coming back until you get your priorities straight and realize what a beautiful little girl you've been blessed with. Goodbye." I lead him out the door and close it in his face, locking it and making my way back to check on Sabrina.
*a week later*
"I really need you to talk to Alex." George pleads over the phone as I make dinner for myself.
"Not a chance. Did he tell you what happened?" I hear a sigh on the other end of the phone and I immediately know that Alex didn't tell him. "He said that Sabrina is a mistake and he just wants to have fun without dealing with me. No way in hell am I talking to him."
"Holy shit. That's an ass move but you and I both know there's no way he genuinely feels that way. Remember how excited he was when you told him you were pregnant? He didn't shut up for ever about it." He tries his best to reassure me.
"Clearly he has change his mind." I sigh at the man on the other end, wishing more than anything that I was wrong.
"You know what he talks about when he's drunk? All he ever talks about is how much he loves you and how much he adores you for everything you went though to bring his baby girl into the world. I'm pretty sure I know why he hasn't been himself lately. Every time he has a bad game, he thinks that you and Sabrina won't be there when he comes home. I'm not sure why he's so scared of it, but sometimes he doesn't want to go home because he thinks that you will be gone. That's why he is gone so much, but none of us can ever convince him that his fears aren't going to come true." By the time he's finished, a tear rolls down my cheek at the thought of Alex being so upset. I had no idea he thought like this. "You're the only one that can convince him. Please come over here and talk to him."
"Fine." I can't help but give in. "Be there in 5." I grab Sabrina and my keys and drive over to George's house. When I arrive, George takes Sabrina and guides me to where Alex is sitting on the floor, crying.
Upon hearing my footsteps, his head snaps up and he shoots up off the ground, pulling me into a bone crushing hug. "I'm so sorry. I don't know who I am without you guys. You are my world and I promise I will never go out again and I will never drink again, from now on you guys are my only priority." He cries onto my shoulder.
I put his face into my hands, making him look me in the eye. "Alex, why didn't you tell me what was really bothering you?"
"I was just too scared. I thought if I broke my own heart then it wouldn't break when you guys eventually left me." The look in his eyes is enough for me to know that he is being genuine.
"Alex. We aren't leaving you." I can tell that he isn't fully convinced, so I keep going. "You and I have been together since high school, you really think I'm going anywhere? I would never dream of it. I love you, Sabrina loves you. You love us. We have been dreaming of having such a perfect family for as long as I can remember, and now we have it. It's not going anywhere."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say what I said at home. It just kinda came out. I love you guys and I'm so happy to have you both. Can I please come back home?" There are still tears running down his cheeks and he looks like he is scared that I'll say no.
"Of course you can baby."
