Rush

12:28am

Okay, it seemed like such a great idea at that time, but I now realize I don't have a clue where to start looking for Sarah. I mean, she could be anywhere. I don't even know which bar she went to. She could be anywhere. 

All I had was a hunch, and a corny one at that. It's just that, back when we were in college, she'd always run to the parish center in the village she lived in. She's not particularly religious, but she really enjoyed helping out. It was her comfort zone.

I think I've been there twice with her. Once, when she was helping out for a supply drive for Typhoon Yolanda victims, and another time when the community invited her for their Christmas presentation. Back them, we were the best of friends and nothing more, although the old ladies in the parish wouldn't stop teasing us. It would be another year before I started to fall in love with her, and by that point it was already too late.

Anyway, this is a dumb idea. Why on Earth would Sarah go to the Parish Center? She probably doesn't even live in that area anymore, and it's been far too long, with so many things said and promises broken and sins committed between those days and now. The Center's probably been closed for hours too. There's no way she would be- Oh, wow, there she is, by the right side entrance, crying. 

She looked up, eyes squinting in my headlights. It took a while before she recognized who was getting out of the car, and it was far too late to compose herself and go into her ice queen routine with me. Too late.

"Hey." I started.

"Hey."

"Musta? Okay ka lang?"

"Okay lang ako. Ano'ng ginagawa mo rito?" Sarah lashed back, putting up her walls, failing at it.

"Looking for you, obvious ba? I feel you might need to talk to someone." I flashed a really stiff smile. My palms are starting to sweat.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Lucky guess," I answered. "Eto yung takbuhan mo dati, di ba?" 

"Congratulations, you know me so fucking well."

"Yes, I do. Can I sit here?" I sit myself besides her without waiting for an answer. "I know what happened. Jill told me."

"Tang ina naman, Jill."

"Not her fault. We were together when she called you. She doesn't even know I went looking for you. Anyway, I'm here right now because I feel you actually need to talk to someone about this. Even if every fiber of my body is telling me to get back in the car and drive off."

"You should listen to your body."

"No, not this time. This time, I'm staying right here because I really believe that you cannot possibly keep all this shit to yourself. You try, but you keep exploding. Tama na." 

"Why should I talk to YOU, of all people?"

I cleared my throat. Damn, it's getting hard to talk. "One, I don't think you've ever been comfortable talking to the rest of the barkada. Even Jill. Besides, knowing Jill, papagalitan ka lang nya. Second, you know you won't see me for months afterwards, so you have nothing to lose. And three, I'm the one right here with you." Cleared my throat again. "'I know you so fucking well', di ba?"

Staredown.

Finally, "Okay, you win."

"I wasn't trying to compete." I snapped.

+++

Turns out, the bar she came from was just some small restaurant near Greenhills, and her head was so messed up all she could think of was the parish center. She literally could not think of any other place to go to, and it was close by anyway.

"So where do you want to go?" I asked her.

"I want to get drunk. Very drunk."

"Fine. We can probably find some bar near here to-"

"I don't want to go to any bar. I want to be alone."

"Okay, you want to be alone, and you want to get drunk. Pano daw yun?"

"Hindi ko alam. Bahala ka."

"Wow."

Both of us remained silent as I drove out of the barangay. She is intently looking out the window, determined not to break the silence. Fine.

"We could... drop by a 7-Eleven and buy some alcohol. We can't exactly walk around drinking. Any ideas?"

Silence. She's making me work. Okay.

"We could... go to your place."

"I don't want to go home!"

"Why not?"

"Basta, ayoko!" 

"Bakit nga ayaw mo?"

"Ayoko nga sabi eh!"

"Bakit nga?!?"

"Kasi baka nandun si Paulo! Sa kapal ng mukha ng gago na yan baka dun pa rin umuwi!"

"Oh. OH. Live-in na ba kayo?"

Sarah pulls a face. "Naku, hinde. Feel na feel lang nya yung pagka-Makati sa unit ko. Palibhasa, taga-Caloocan yung gago!"

Both of us pause after that outburst before breaking out in laughter. Laughing about all this actually feels good, and I hope it makes her feel better too.

"Wow, ang harsh mo!"

"OH MY GOD, yung first time nya mag-overnight sa condo, pinost nya sa Instagram! I CAN'T!"

"He what?!?"

"Hashtag I-Woke-Up-Like-This, sabay geo-tag ang Makati!!! OH GOD HELP ME!!!"

"Okay, OKAY, fine, hindi sa place mo." I paused before making my second suggestion. "How about my place?"

"Ang tapang mo, ha!"

"It's not that, nothing like that!" I say defensively. "But, if you want to be private, and you want to get drunk, my apartment is perfect. And we won't need to buy alcohol because I have wines at home."

"Ayoko naman sa bahay mo, Mike!" Sarah laughed. Despite herself, she sounded far better than she did earlier. "It's just too weird! Wala ka bang ibang option dyan?"

"Fine, not my apartment, pero same building, game ka?" I asked. "Private, all the wine you can drink, tayong dalawa lang. Game?"

Sarah looks at me, scrutinizing me for a bit before she answers.

"Game."