Rush

1:21am

We ended up at the roof of the condo I live in. Ordinarily, this area's off limits to the public, but if you're part of the board, you get certain perks.

"Well?" I asked Sarah, obviously pleased with myself.

"Pwede. Pwedeng-pwede. Hindi tayo sisitahin dito?"

"Hindi yan. Ako'ng bahala sa mga guards." I handed Sarah a bottle of red wine and a glass.

"Wala ka bang mas 'hard' kesa dyan?" She asked me as she stared at the bottle.

"Demanding ka, ha. Wala, puro ganyan lang nasa bahay. Katas ng Pasko."

"Fine," she said as she opened the bottle and took a mighty swig from it before passing it back to me. I dumbly put down my own glass and swigged from the bottle too.

We went through a bottle and a half in silence before Sarah said anything. "You want to know why I broke up with Paulo kanina?"

"Sure, if you're up for it." In truth, I was dying to know, but this isn't something you can force out of people. I scoot closer to her to listen.

"He asked me to pay our bill kanina. There."

I was confused. "That's it?"

"Of course hindi. Siguro napuno na ko sa kanya kanina kaya ayun. Kasi naman, gimmick nya, lakad nya, inimbita nya ako, di ba? Ang galante nyang mag-order, inom sya ng inom, tapos wala pala syang pambayad?!? Aba aba!"

Okay, that IS irritating. But to break up with someone because of just that... unless it wasn't just that... "Does he... does he always do this?"

Sarah looks at me before taking another swig. "Actually, oo. Iresponsable sa pera. Palagi na lang 'Babe can you spot me' o di kaya 'Babe, am short right now'. Pero kung makabili ng sneakers, akala mo saksakan ng yaman. Bwiset." 

"Nagpapatawag ka ng 'Babe'?!?"

"Che, tumahimik ka." She hits me in the arm. "Gets ko naman na mahirap makakuha ng modelling jobs kung bago ka lang sa eksena, pero puta parang hindi naman naghahanap ng trabaho yung gago eh. Parang walang plano sa buhay eh."

"Eh bakit mo pinagtatyagaan kung wala palang kwenta?"

Sarah looks at me dead straight in the eye. "The sex was fantastic." Then she finishes the second bottle of wine and gets up to get the third bottle.

Okay then. Leche.

+++

It's been two hours since I picked up Sarah from the parish center. We've gone through three bottles of red at this point, and she was polishing off a fourth bottle by herself. I wanted her to talk, well did I get what I want.

The floodgates were opened. Sarah is pouring out everything she was keeping inside her. Her frustrations, her anger, her fear. And she had a lot of it.

I listened in silence, though in my head I was ripping myself apart. It hurt to listen to her talk. It hurt me to listen to her pain, because once upon a time, I would have done anything for her never to be hurt.

As I listened to her pain, all the pain I thought I let go of suddenly came back. Here was Sarah, the woman I adored, the woman I worshiped, the woman I left everything else for. The woman I loved. The woman I love.

Here was Sarah. The woman who never gave me a chance to love her.

I watched helplessly as she hooked up with one loser after another. I watched as she she got hurt over and over again. It took me a while before I was able to exorcise her ghost from my system, but she still lingers.

And now, she was pouring her heart out to me. How ironic is this shit?