Ashen Souls

Introduction

This is what I know about my soul; it was forged by the universe several centuries ago. For a portion of its life, a star releases energy from its interior which radiates into space. As the stars mass is radiated into the interstellar environment it is recycled to make new stars. As luck would have it, my soul was created at the exact moment of two supernova, the explosion of a star. A great deal of the star energy released at that moment went into shaping my soul, more than anyone has recorded. Since then, the star energy has replenished my physical body, keeping me from aging at a normal human pace.

I am a Spirit Walker. Specifically, I am an Overseer, I venture through dreams to protect souls from beings who offer up the souls of others to earn admission through the Dark Door. What exists on the other side, is a realm no Spirit Walker has seen and no soul has survived. Lillin, we call these evil escorts, because that is the name they give to all dreamers they tempt.

History calls us gypsies, fortune tellers, psychics, etc. because we can warn those who seek answers to their night terrors, or what stalks their souls. We are fewer and rarer than those other gifted souls. Spirit Walkers have the power to read a dreamer's unconscious and uncover the imprint a Lillin leaves on their soul. Also, a Spirit Walker's soul needs to be forged with the star energy released at the moment of a supernova, not simply the continuous star energy released during a star's lifetime, which makes us the ideal energy source for a Lillin, we are their ultimate victims.

Spirit walking was just as Aiyana had described so many times. The deepest of meditations occurs through a hypnosis of relaxation and the ascension of our ten-step staircase. Navigating my soul to the world my people call the Unwoken, would lead me to the door between worlds, between conscience and subconscious and between our reality and our fantasies. This dreamland exists for everyone who sleeps, but our unlimited navigation of the Unwoken gives us the power to access peoples dreams and protect their souls.

As I landed on the final step of the stone staircase, the once empty doorway now held a solid mahogany door with the embedding of turquoise gems. No knob meant I need only push my way to the other side, and I was ready for this awakening.  I had kept the pulsing anticipation at bay as not to break my meditation; I had to keep my cool, and as I pushed open the heavy door and stepped through, I was instantly suffocating and collapsed.

Entering was like taking that first breath of air after holding it under water, and my senses were so heightened that I felt drenched in my surroundings. The grass was a palette of green shades painted as far as I could see, and it felt soft against my hands. The air was warm but brushed gently against my face. The dark sky illuminated all with the brightest clusters of constellations. Once I caught my breath, I inhaled the scent of lavender and wet earth. All of it was soothing and comforting. In my soul I felt a peace that radiated through everything around me, and this energy tethered me to the ground where I now lay. I thought surely this is how death is, and as the thought crossed my mind, a familiar voice spoke, "Your soul is far from burning out, Cordelia."

Aiyana had promised she would be there when I had my Entering into the Unwoken for the first time. Her gaze met mine and, in her eyes, I could see tears swelling up. Quickly, I broke with the ground to stand facing my grandmother and took her hands in mine. She wore her age more on her hands than on her face. As tan as she was, darker spots had appeared on her skin, leaving only her face as youthful as her spirit. Aiyana was almost ninety- two, in physical years she would say. Her spirit had long been revitalized by her own star energy. I could not picture her as any other way than how she stood before me. Thick black hair striped with silver always braided down her back. A kind face with oval eyes, the color of amber, and the only significant lines on her face were the laugh lines earned around her mouth.

She wore plain black cotton shirt and pants, which sat loosely on her small frame. Around her neck a simple silver chain with a moonstone pendant sat centered on her chest. This was Aiyana, the eternal blossom of Spirit Walkers.

"I am so proud of you Delia." She said staring at our hands, "What you have accomplished is no easy task, especially for someone so very young. One thing is for certain, when my physical body can no longer capsulate my soul and I am near my end you will be able to visit me here." The thought of when that day would come made my chest ache as if it were being crushed from the inside. Even for those of us whose death is prolonged, the soul aches from separation from those you love, there is never enough time with the people you love.

"Let's not fuss about that now," she said, sensing my unease. "Tell me how you are feeling? Do you sense your surroundings and feel the vibrating energy?"

There were no words. The energy pulsed through me like adrenaline and with every waking minute in the Unwoken I felt more alive than I had ever felt on the other side, it felt more familiar. This detachment from my body freed my soul. It wasn't the absence of gravity that made me feel so light, it was the presence of this energy that had me floating in mind and soul, just like a star, I had my own gravity.

"I am born," I said, "I can feel the regenerating of my soul as the energy flows through me."

"Close your eyes, Delia," Aiyana said as she let go of my hands and waved one hand in front of my face, as if to pull my eyelids down.

There was nothing. Darkness, then suddenly I lost the ground beneath my feet, the smell and feel of the warm air, and the presence of Aiyana- all gone. What was more powerful than ever was the pulsing of energy, which streamed from somewhere inside of me outwards now, through every pore. This felt endless and frantic, but I knew I could not lose focus and risk really waking myself, I had gone too deep to freak out now.

Back in my physical body, I imagine my chest was rising and falling quickly as if I were in distress. But here in the Unwoken, I was only a soul, an essence, a source of energy all on its own.

Then suddenly images began to appear all around me. They were blurred and fast, which made them hard to make out. Yet, some of the people I would always see clearly. A young woman singing, I recognized as my mother. Aiyana, not much older than she was now, tending to her herbs and looking my direction with a smile. A young boy with sandy hair I was chasing. All these moments had already happened, which meant they were my memories. A flood of all that I had seen and stored in my mind since I was born. "The memory is strong that way," Aiyana had told me once, "you think it will fade but it only sleeps. Memories sleep inside all of us and some will sleep forever, and some are the reason we wake."

Forgotten memories began to be drudged up and smeared before me. Everything was taking its place in my conscious and I felt as if all the pieces of a puzzle were being forced together to fit in my mind.

Aiyana had instructed me that when I did reach this point to keep focus on a memory in order to bring amity to the procession. Among the chaos around me I recalled sitting on an oversized armchair, the color of wine and covered in the tiniest specs of silvers in the threading. I had to be only seven at the time, but I knew I felt safe and my eyes had fixated on a wooden figurine set on a tall shelf across the small sitting room. The beady eyes sat close together on either side of the over- sized nose, all of which sat on an almost heart shaped face. No neck, and arms carved to waist- length gave the doll a smooshed appearance. All the paint was faded but still outlined a black dress adorned with yellow beading at the collar and hem. But what really caught my attention, was the oversized square headdress with red painted lines that followed the shape of the wood and the half moon of the head. It was beautiful; it was spirit.

All my memories went to rest and only the wooden figure came to focus.