Ashen Souls

A Memory

"Then what happened?" Aiyana asked anxiously from the foot of my bed where she sat.

"There was so much fog." I choked up, "I called out for Atlas because I could feel his presence nearby, but he didn't answer me. I- I tried not to panic, even though this had never happened before, and I couldn't remember ever reading about it either. The Unwoken always has clear night skies."

Aiyana stood up and walked to the large window, mirroring where I had stood only hours ago. The look on her face told me she was worried, but she would never admit that to me. As a Nova Superior it was her role to guide us younger Overseers and teach us the mysteries of the Unwoken so we may better protect the souls of our world. This mystery would be mine to unravel I could see.

"You are allowing this reoccurring memory to take hold of your subconscious, Cordelia," Aiyana let out as she continued to stare out into the first light of sunrise. "You cannot enter another's subconscious if you do not have a hold on your own, and you made a vow to protect the souls of this world"

"What about my soul?" I blurted before realizing I had said it out loud.

She turned around slowly and met my eyes. The worry had increased on her face and I couldn't bear to hold her gaze. It made me feel ashamed after all she had taught me in this world and the other.

"You know the value of your soul, Cordelia, and you also know you are stronger than the darkness that has attached to it like a stain from that night." Aiyana let out a deep breath and walked to the door across from my bed. Suddenly, she turned and walked up to where I sat on the bed and kissed my forehead softly. Before walking out Aiyana turned and said, "Dwelling in the heartache won't keep Atlas with you, it makes his sacrifice in vain if you do not live with the life he gave you."

Once again, the deafening sound of silence filled the room, even the fan had stopped whirring. Aiyana was right, I kept reliving the memory hoping I could save Atlas, but I knew better than most that you can't turn back time or undo a memory. What had happened was only that now, a memory.

For the first time in a long time I felt the type of exhaustion that could actually lead to real rest. Not the numbing tiredness of depression that you can't sleep off. It was then that I noticed the dawns sunlight filter through the window and illuminate the room. Everyone would be turning in for the day and resting from the night, which was my cue to wonder about the compound in peace without the prying eyes and "How are you holding up?" questions draining me of the little energy I already had.

I glanced around the unkept room with clothes thrown around, the wardrobe drawers half open, my bookshelves with an inch of dust, not that I was much of clean freak but at least I had had the energy to do laundry and wipe stuff down. Atlas would tease me for being such a slob.

That's when I decided that if I was going to live what was left of my long life without Atlas, I could at least do it with some dignity and make it a life he would be proud of. He was always pushing me to be the best version of Cordelia. He was convinced I was holding back to not make him look bad or less manly, which I tried to convince him was ridiculous and that my competitiveness wouldn't allow me to act below my potential.

Atlas would always be the voice in my head telling me I was powerful. He believed in me because my soul was as visible to him as words on paper, and he knew how to read between the lines.

I realized I was grinning, and just like that, a little sadness melted away. The mourning did not have to consume me, I could be Delia again and have gratitude for having had Atlas at all. I walked to the window and shut out the morning sun with the heavy drapes and returned to bed. Tucked warmly beneath the soft emerald comforter, I finally drifted off to sleep, but would it be dreamless?