Engraved

1. Awkward Silence

"Hyunjin, time to get up!" Jisung popped into the room, a toothbrush in hand.

Somehow he had drifted off to sleep again. He lifted his head off the pillow and ambled into the hallway, a speeding blur made of Bang Chan atoms just barely missing him. He walked into the bathroom, turning to examine his face in the mirror, still a bit puffy from sleep. He poked and prodded at every place he felt was wrong, staring at his reflection until he felt he could draw it from memory. No matter how hard he tried to look his best, he felt he was overshadowed by everyone else.

He looked at his arms, his legs, his whole body, the smooth skin stark and clean. Clearly he stuck out, but for the wrong reason. He was a blank page no one wanted to write on.

"Hyunjin? Are you in there?" Jisung shouted from outside the door.

"Yeah," he said back, snapping himself out of his thoughts.

"If you're not going to get in the shower then let someone else use it!"

"Sorry, I'm getting in right now!"

The group was doing an interview today with a radio show. Hyunjin couldn't remember which, and although he wanted to do well, his heart was not particularly in it today. Chan's elbow tattoo of a maple leaf stuck out against his white shirt, and Hyunjin couldn't help but stare at it from the seat behind him and sulk.

Chan had gotten the maple leaf tattoo from a trainee at JYP during his seven years before debut. She had lived in Canada for most of her life, and they had bonded over coming from English speaking countries. They spent four years kindling a romance. When he found the leaf one winter morning, he was so excited to show her. He practically ran to her dorm, only to find it deserted. She texted him goodbye, saying she had to go back to Canada for family reasons.

Jisung says he met Chan about 3 months after that, and from what the older boy remembers, the Chan they know today is a completely different person than the Chan back then. Jisung wouldn't tell them everything, but Hyunjin has seen Chan touch it from time to time, or seen him look at it in the mirror, checking to see if it had faded at all since the last time he checked. The tattoo wasn't jet black like some of the other member's tattoos were, but rather a faded, dark gray.

If the tattoo had just faded away, then Chan could have moved on. But it hasn't, because that girl undoubtedly still loves him. When love is truly gone, the tattoo will fade away, almost as if it wasn't there. However, most of the time, a small, white remnant remains. People say that it's because as long as the memories of a love remain, the tattoo must remain as a reminder to those who experienced it, but Hyunjin thinks it stays so that those without the tattoos know who's been loved, and who hasn't.

And in this way, he knows he sticks out even more, not even having the faint, white outline of a memory.

They reach the studio around midday to record the radio segment. Although they won't be visually filmed, the team has been made to look their best for the small crowd of fans waiting outside the building, and for the inevitable pictures the staff and host would want to take.

Hyunjin was seated next to Seungmin and Jeongin, both of which seemed to notice his bad mood. Although, he noted, neither really seemed surprised. He'd been having a lot of bad moods lately.

"Welcome to X Radio, it's your host, Juno! Today I'm here with Stray Kids!" The woman at the front of the table said into her mic. The boys clapped and cheered with enthusiasm, and introduced themselves, Seungmin adding a bit more onto his introduction with "Seungmin in the building!" to follow Hyunjin's rather stale "Hi, I'm Hyunjin."

They talked about the upcoming comeback, Minho talked about his cats, and they all laughed over a joke Jeongin said. Then, finally, the host pulled out a jar from under the table, slips of paper inside it like white stuffing.

"Now, Stray Kids is going to answer some of the questions submitted by their fans! Han, this first question is for you from Kim Chaerin! What do you do to relax?" cried the host in her sticky sweet voice.

Hyunjin held back a sigh. Jisung would say something generic, but the band members all knew that he would always go see his girlfriend. He had a small tattoo of a branch with an acorn on the end from her, and much to Hyunjin's dismay, he was ecstatic to find she had the exact same one. He tries not to bring it up around the older boy so as not to upset him, and Hyunjin knew this and wanted his bandmate to be happy, but it still hurt nonetheless.

"Hyunjin, this question is from Lee Hana! Hyunjin, no one has seen your tattoos yet! Where are they and what are they?"

Hyunjin was snapped abruptly out of his thoughts by the question. In fact, he was completely speechless. Usually, it was pretty rude to ask people about their tattoos, especially if you weren't close with them. He hadn't really expected the fans to pay that much attention to them, and although he'd seen posts online about occurrences such as the one centered around Felix's tiger tattoo, or when fans would find a new one on a member and jump to conclusions about where they were from. He knew the public didn't know about all of them, like Felix's outline of Australia where the light doesn't shine. But still, he supposed the fans would find it interesting to see what tattoos he had, especially if none were visible. Except, of course, he didn't have any.

He realized everyone in the room was looking at him, some of the members hiding their shock well, and others, like Jisung, who was staring at him from across the room, his eyes wide. The radio host, her expression holding back her smugness, pointed his emotions towards anger. But before he could answer, Chan spoke, his voice calm and collected.

"Ah, our Hyunjinnie likes to keep his tattoos secret. He is very mysterious!"

Hyunjin looked to his band mate, realizing how tense the moment had been, and how that one answer had dissipated the heavy silence that had fallen on them like a heavy blanket. He smiled appreciatively at Chan, and the boy smiled back. Hyunjin caught the pity in it, though.