May's anthology

Strength through Pain- April Showers

Since I was born as the fifth child in a poor family, my life was bound to be fraught with difficulties. However, even I couldn't have predicted the domino effect that occurred when I least expected it.

Though we sometimes had barely enough food to satisfy the constant hunger, we were happy. One learns to live with what they have, and I wasn't an exception.

Our parents were doing their best to take care of us, and that was enough for me to appreciate them, to appreciate the life we led. I wouldn't have minded if everything had stayed the same. We were happy children who were able to appreciate small things. That was enough for me.

However, life deals the worst cards to the downtrodden. Being poor wasn't enough. Horrible things started happening, things that made me think that bad luck was our constant companion, one we seemed to be unable to shake off.

The first blow came before I was ready for it, but I guess we never are ready for the life-changing events when they hit us. They punch us in the gut with all their force, and we are left gasping for air, unable to find enough of it to breathe properly.

That happened to me when I was only ten years old.

One moment I was playing with my sister, as happy as a little girl could be, in the world of her imagination, the next, my whole world came crashing down.

The news reached us that our father had died in a freak accident. The idea of him being dead was incomprehensible to my young mind. After all, he was in the prime of his life, healthy as one could be.

It wasn't his time to go.

Yet he was gone, and during the days we waited for his body to be transported back to us, I couldn't think clearly. My brain was drowning in the sea of darkness and all I could do was sleep. It was all I ever wanted to do.

What was the point of life when a person could die while trying to something as noble as guard animals from harm? Where was justice in that? Even worse was the fact that the terrain was so rough that we had to wait for days to be able to give him a proper burial.

The funeral was just a blur. It consists of puzzle pieces that I rarely try to put together because it hurts too much. Even the next few days, weeks, even months are hazy.

I did what I was supposed to do, but I wasn't there. My heart had closed down, and the only thing that kept me going was my mind, which was preprogrammed to go to school, eat, sleep...

When I finally managed to pull myself out of the hole of despair, fighting tooth and nail, when I was finally ready to try to accept the truth, to try to live past it, the next blow came.

My great-grandmother, my biggest comforter and supporter, died. It was very peaceful and yet to me, it didn't feel like that.

They all said she lived a long and happy life, but I didn't understand why that mattered. Losing someone you cared about hurt, it ripped out a part of you. It didn't matter if they were young or old. It didn't matter if it was their time or not.

Death was lurking all around me, laughing at me, as if it could sense that I was trying to move on and threw a curveball my way. It wouldn't even allow me to try.

Once again, I was heartbroken but also furious. How dared life send so much burden to someone so young, who did absolutely nothing to deserve it?

I spent years trying to come to terms with it. Although you never stop being sad, you never stop being broken, you do learn to move past it. You learn to tread through the sadness and discover islands of joy in your life's journey.

Many other difficulties were thrown my way, but the chance of my birth, my father's death, and my great-grandmother's death were the ones that shaped me making me who I am today.

Although I had spent a few years wallowing in sadness, I didn't allow the unending pain that keeps coming back in waves to stop me.

I survived.

I had good days and bad days, but I always found a way to fight through.

What inspired me to go on was the knowledge that my father would want me to be happy. After everything he had done for me, I felt I owed him at least that much. I owed myself that much.

Moreover, my great-grandmother's faith in my strength inspired me to try and make my life count. I wanted to go beyond what people expected of me, beyond that poor little girl without a father, and to become someone they would admire.

However, I swore to myself I would not allow that to change who I am. I didn't want to become a wealthy person who doesn't care about her roots but a respectable person who helps when possible.

It took all I had to finish high school as one of the top students and then go on to university. Surprisingly enough, high school was more difficult since I was still raw from all the losses I had suffered and yet I found my escape, reading books.

I read anything I could get my hands on, still do. Being able to escape to another place and time, where nothing can hurt me is invigorating.

Using the insurance money from my father's death, I was able to enter one of the most prestigious universities, which I never thought possible. I always thought I wasn't worthy, yet the faith they had in me kept guiding me.

Because they had died, I felt it was my duty to prove they were right about my true potential. It is possible that if they hadn't died, I would have brushed their compliments off thinking they were just trying to cheer me up. As it was, I realized what they knew all along. I could do anything I set my mind to.

I endured the deaths of two people who were very important to me. Not only that, I managed to use my sorrow, to turn it into a tool of success instead of the cause of destruction.

I learned I was stronger than I ever knew and that I should strive higher than I ever have.

Horrible as their deaths were, they made me stronger. I became a better version of myself who appreciates all the joys of life knowing how brief it could be.

I still have bouts of sorrow, but I have learned to deal with it. More importantly, I learned how to be happy again, but also how to take life's unpredictable blows.

Now, I am prepared to take life head-on, and I am not afraid to be who I am.

I am a successful young woman with a strong character, and the furthest thing one could be from a penniless fatherless girl.