The Adventures of a Schiz and Her Lover

heartache

Xavier hugged me close to his chest tight enough so that I could barely breathe. He peppered kisses into my hair and his breathing was weird.

"Xi?" I ask, trying to look up but he pushes me back down.

"I just need a hug, okay?" His voice was gruff.

"Are you... crying?" I ask, tightening my arms around him. "What's wrong?" My heart started squeeze and the pain ran sharply down my arms and legs. I could feel the sadness rolling off of him and it started to make me shiver. He kept kissing me like his life depended on touching every part of my head.

"N-n-no." He grumbled, still kissing. I shrugged him off and leaned up my head to take his mouth with mine. He poured himself into the kiss, slow and painful as tears rolled between our lips. I sniffed and pulled back, going back to squeezing his waist. "Why are you crying?" He takes my hair in his hands and begins to play with it as I hold him.

"You know I can't see other people crying. Especially not you."

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I didn't want to make you feel bad."

"I just want to make you feel good. If that's what you want. Or we can cry together and hold eachother or whatever you need."

"I don't know what I need it just hurts so bad."

"I know. I know it does." I squeeze him harder. "And i'm so sorry, you don't deserve this." My heart was cracking into tiny pieces as I listened to his sniffles and sobs. I held onto him for dear life, afraid we both my fall apart if I let go.

We stood there, wrapped in each other and crying for God knows how long. We only pulled away when Xavier's stomach growled.

"I'll make you something," I automatically nodded, glancing towards the kitchen. "Is there anything you have a taste for?"

"I only taste bile. I don't think I can eat..." he grimaced, lip quivering. I exhaled, willing myself to stay together. I didn't bother replying to him, I just moved into the kitchen where I could breathe. I decided to bake some chicken, since I already was planning on it.

...

The chicken came back up pretty immediately and I rushed after him towards the bathroom. I held him when he was done, rubbing over his trembling flesh.

"How am I going to do it? How am I going to live without her?" He sobbed, clutching the carpet.

"You're not. You're never going to be without her. You know that. She would never leave you."

"Citrus." He shook his head, teeth clenched.

"Close your eyes and look at her. Talk to her. Feel her." I placed my hand over his eyes and massaged his shoulder gently as I let him have his time.