To Love a Demon

Chapter 11

After the events of this morning, Axel seemed to have a shorter than usual attention span, one moment he would be looking at my face and the next his eyes would be drifting down to my neck with a lost look on his face.

I was going through denial about how close he had come to marking me. And it was... my fault?

At the time I was absolutely desperate for him to mark me, my lack of control is what got me into that mess and it wouldn't be happening again.

I would keep calm and composed until this week was over.

And although I had feelings for him, it wouldn't be fair for me to be with him, not to him, not to either of our packs.

Trying to be suttle, I moved my hair to cover the open space on my neck.

Axel frowned as he looked at me.

"I don't know why you keep denying me." He said confidently, "It's going to happen anyway, might as well do it now."

"That's the thing," I said, watching his face as it dropped at my next words, "it's not."

"Yes," He insisted, "it will."

I shook my head, "No Axel, and nothing is going to make me change my mind."

Suddenly, Axel took a step closer to me, he was so close that if I moved my head slightly I would be kissing him.

Axel took advantage of that by gently lifting my chin with his hands so that our lips were a centimeter apart.

I held still as I felt his light breaths fanned my face, anticipating the moment when he would finally bring his lips to mine.

When he did he met them with a sweet kiss, tender but fullfilling.

He broke away after a few seconds, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I said with only the slightest wobble to my voice as his lips were still close to my own.

His eyes glanced up, connecting with mine before he once again pressed his lips to mine, keeping eye contact as he worked on my mouth.

It was almost like we were trying to stare each other down while we were kissing.

"You don't want me?" He asked, after gently pulling away.

"N-no." I stuttered, keeping eye contact.

I was half-expecting him to reply saying 'I don't want you either.'

He surprised me by saying "Well, I really want you, and I'm not letting you go that easily."

He pressed himself closer to me, taking advantage of my mouth which had fallen open at his words.

I had stopped resisting his warm embrace a few kisses ago, opting to enjoy my time with him before our bond was severed forever.

"Axel, please." I whispered, gently pushing him away.

I admit, I enjoyed his company but it could never get further than this.

"This can't happen, you just don't understand!" I pleaded.

Axel's eyes softened at my words and he grabbed my hands in his, "Then help me to."

I didn't bother to loosen his grip on my hands, "We are alpha's from different packs. I won't leave mine and I know you won't leave yours."

"I would leave for you." He said, hurt etched into his tone.

I shook my head, "No, you wouldn't. And I would never let you do that for me."

"I know." He whispered, "I just wish it was simpler. But you should know that I would leave all of it behind for you if I could." He told me with sincerity.

I nodded, "I know, but you can't. There's no one else that can run your pack, you have alpha blood and they don't."

"You don't, but here you are." he whispered, clinging at straws.

"That's different, me? I'm a white wolf, the rules are different." I whispered back.

"I wish they weren't." he told me.

His hands went up to brush my hair away from my neck.

I tensed, "Axel, please."

"I just want to see..." He whispered, gently leaning down to kiss the soft spot on my neck, causing me to tense up as I held back a moan.

"Axel it won't help, it's not going to happen okay! I'm not going to leave my pack, they have given me everything, that's something that I can't ignore."

"I know." He said, sighing.

I sighed as well, I wish things were different, i wish so badly that we had discovered we were mates back when I first shifted, I had no idea why we didn't see... it would save us both from so much heartbreak.

And now, looking into my mate's eyes, I could see nothing I wanted more than to have him, but I knew that I could never have that.

I couldn't take his life away from him like that.

I had a tightening feeling in my chest when i was struck with a realisation. This boy, this boy that everyone had predicted I would be mates with, this boy that wanted to mate me despite all of the terrible things I have done. This boy, well, I love him.

I couldn't bear to think of a life without him.

But I also couldn't bear to think of a life for him that had me in it.

I loved him, and that's why I have to let him go.

"We could work it out you know?" Axel said, a questioning tone to his perfect voice.

I shook my head, a slight smile gracing my features.

No, it couldn't.

"It would never work. our wolves may be mates but Axel, we were not made for each other. Maybe we used to be, but now, I've changed. You've changed. Now we don't match."

Axel was silent, after a while I stood up, opting to go for a walk.

He followed at my side, before he finally broke the silence. "I know that we match. I know because I know that you care about me."

I raised an eyebrow at his words in an attempt to hide the longing within me for me to be able to tell him that I did, that I did infact care for him more than words can explain.

"You told my beta that you cared for me," He paused to see my reaction, a look of confusion graced my face, I had told him no such thing, "You said to him not to touch me, because you don't want anyone to hurt me."

I closed my eyes as I walked, regretting my words.

I couldn't give him hope.

Not now.

Not ever.

It was too cruel.

I had to let him go.

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Pretty short but better than nothing?

I should be doing faster updates soon, I have a day off from school this week and then it's the christmas holidays, so lots of writing time!

As you may have noticed, I have been getting a lot more reads/votes/comments recently, and you may have realised that I have also updated more frequently!

Well keep voting and it will keep happening!

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