This one time...

Dashed childhood dreams

From grade four through seven, I wanted to be a singer like Britney Spears. Half of the girls had boy band posters up on their bedroom walls, a few of the cool kids danced along to r&b and hip hop, but I didn't have time to try and remember all of those passing phase bands they were talking about because I was far too busy singing along to Britney's songs. Understandable, no? Have you seen her music video for "From the Bottom of My Broken Heart"? I cried the first time I saw it. Of course, I watched it over and over again that first day when my dad bought me her enhanced CD.

I always thought she had a wonderful voice. I don't know too many  people that will agree with me on that point, but I was of the opinion that she sang like a really fun and spirited person to have around and be friends with. Just as she was, I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to belt out songs on stage and have all my fans surround me for miles and miles smiling and singing along with me. 

My mom and I used to talk about what I was going to be when I grew up, sort of like that Que Sera Sera song. She however, unlike the mom in that song, had very specific dreams for my future. She frequently mentioned she would like me to be a diplomat someday. I always wanted to make her happy and proud of me so I walked around saying that I wanted that too, but I was an eight year old child walking around telling anyone that asked, that I wanted to be a diplomat someday. I had no idea what that career entailed. So one day, I grew a fairweather backbone and mustered up the courage to tell her what I truly wanted to be. "I want to be a singer like Britney Spears someday." My exact words. I forget if I said it in Korean or English, but those were definitely the words I used. In quick reactionary response, she told  me, "oh, you need talent to be a singer." 

Well, that was that.