19.

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 The next chapters are gonna be more dark,with more depressed quotes.If you are not okay with this,don't read.

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1.And today I realised that I'm the biggest hypocrite of them all.I tell everyone to keep holding on that there is light at the end.That everything gets better as long as you continue to wait.I always tell people to have hope.That they need to keep trying because it is to early to give up,that they have so much to live for.Thet there is me,and I'm barely holding on.

2.I am ready to leave this place,forget about everyone I know,pack up and dissapear.I am tired of the memories that linger around every corner,of the meaningless routine that is draining my soul away.I am ready to go,no goodbyes or explanations.I am ready to start over.

3.Have you ever noticed the bags under her eyes,or the anger issues that she has?Her hollow cheeks and cracked lips still forced into a smile.Struggling to show everyone that she's a fighter that she will be alright.No one bothered to hold her close,to tell her that it's okay to not be fine.So she breathed through her life as if it were a battlefield and wished that one day she would live,and not just survive.

4.And all of sudden I felt really tired.Like the world had drained me for everything that I had.

5.People say they can handle me at 5 am when I shut down,and people say they can handle me when I shut them out.But I don't think you're all as prepared as you think you are.My self destruct mode,doesn't know convenience.Just wait,you'll get tired of me too,because I'm also tired of me.

6.Does anyone have their shit together cause I feel like we're all just faking it.

7.Sometimes there's nothing you can say at 2 a.m;you feel pathetic for wanting to call them with tears in your eyes,and it's even worse that your voice shakes when you try to speak.You're trying your best to not show them your weaknesses,but you know how nice it would be to don't cry alone,but remember it's 2 a.m and you don't want to ask for help,because you're too busy trying to convince yourself that you'll get better all on your own.

8.I don't think anyone realises,how it's so hard for me, just.to.exist.

9.I try and tell myself "you're not alone," yet when I get in bed at night my sadness envelopes me rather than my blankets and my head is propped up by a monster of thoughts rather than my pillow,and by the weight in my chest,it feels as if the mattress is laying on top of me rather that the latter.And all I know through this confusion is when I sit up and take a look around,the only person there is me,and the only person who cares is me,and the only person who understands is me.And gosh,am i alone.

10.I tried so hard to get better,to get over this,to forget it all and move on,and i thought I was getting to the point where i could say "wow I'm feeling a lot better" but right now I couldn't feel any worse.

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