Quotes

27.

1. I don't blame anyone. I did this to myself. It's my fault. Everything is my fault.

2. I babysit this six-year-old, and I was wearing shorts today, and my scars were showing, I guess. He poked them and said, "I know how those got there." I replied "How?" He looked at me with a straight face and he said, "I've seen them before. My big sister had them, and she said mean people put them on your body when they weren't nice to you because if people are mean to you, you end up being mean to yourself. My big sister went away. I don't know where she went. Mommy said she's on a happy vacation somewhere because she was too sad here. I miss her. Don't go on vacation, please." I don't think I've cried so hard in front of someone in my life.

3. Sometimes, the world crumbles around me. I'll be fine and then I won't be. Just like that. That quickly, my entire life changes. I become engulfed in this storm raging inside my mind. I forget how to smile, how to laugh. All I know is that I'm not okay. I'm not okay at all. All I know is that the pain in my head somehow becomes a pain in my body. My muscles ache and my limbs become weak and heavy. My mind spinning a thousand thoughts into one single moment of emptiness, and yet I keep it to myself. A secret kept to the grave. Fear takes over and silence ensues. My struggles are my own, not the cares of others. Why burden anyone with pointless shit that even I can't make sense of? So I just lay here. Alone. This body is a coffin, and I'm buried alive.

4. I'm so broken. It has become so obvious. I'm emotionally destroyed and there's nothing to do except watch me fall apart. Each day it gets worse nothing ever gets better. I'm so alone in this world that it's starting to really get to me. I always have to remind myself that it's my fault for people not liking me. It's all my fault. I'm ugly and fat. There's no one to blame but myself. It's so hard because no one knows the real me. No one knows what I have to deal with on a daily basis. No one knows anything about me. They know me as a bubbly, outgoing, happy girl but that's not even close to what I am. That's just an act. That's just a lie. People always tell me to "get over it" but how could I get over something so cruel. I will NEVER get over all of the bullying and words said to me. I will never forget the pain I was in. I will never forget the night when I was in so much deep pain that I had to grab a razor and glide it across my wrist just so I could get the pain that I deserved. I'll never forget the night I shoved my finger down my throat to make me thin. I won't forget the day where I decided that only a bowl of oatmeal was the right amount to eat a day. I'll never forget the day my mom packed her things and left me alone. I won't forget the nights I cried myself to sleep with no one to tell me that it was all going to be okay. I won't forget the 30+ cuts on my arm that I did because I was so sad. Don't tell me to "get over it" when you know nothing. Do you think I like being this sad? No, I don't but this sadness is all I have. This sadness has consumed me. And it's too late to save me from it.

5. Do you ever just feel like you're just completely worthless and unattractive on a physical and emotional level and you're just never good enough because there's always someone else that overpowers you with their pretty face and personality and you just instantly back down because you feel you have literally nothing to fight against with.

6. "It's okay to cry. It's okay to slide down a wall in tears al three in the morning aching and screaming. If you want to sit on your bedroom floor with your head buried in your knees, tears spilling out of your eyes and filling the room to your waist, do it. It doesn't make you weak. You could never be weak. You're alive and that's the hardest thing to be. I'm so proud of you. Always."

7. No matter what you say. I will still hate myself.

8. I'm just tired. I don't have any motivation to get up in the morning. I say no to hanging out with my friends just because. I yell at people who don't deserve it. I get upset over the stupidest things. I cry much too often, I'm too irritable and I snap at people too much. Most of the time I don't understand the things I do, or why I do them in the first place. Depression isn't something that just goes away overnight, it's an illness. So mom, dad, I'm sorry. I hope that you can understand why I'm so quiet at dinner and why I don't like doing family activities. I'm sorry to all my friends who don't understand, I wish I could let you inside my head because I feel like you all see me like an overdramatic bitch, I'm just too sensitive. I can't help it. I don't want to be this way anymore. It hurts. I hope you can understand.

 9. Everyone says destroy what destroys you, right? But what if the thing destroying you is yourself?

10. My parents think I'm fine. My friends think I'm fine. My doctor thinks I'm fine. Some days even I think I'm fine. But I'm not. I'm not fine at all. And I don't know how much longer I can pretend.

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Wow,1000 words. That is a lot. Hopefully, I didn't bore you guys, that's not my intention. Ok, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, don't forget to leave me a comment and a star! Bye guys.