Quotes

42.

1. When your child comes to you and says "this is something that makes me uncomfortable and unhappy and makes me not want to spend time with you" and you respond with a 20-minute speech that boils down to "deal with it because life sucks" you have no respect for your child and you need to change your parenting tactics.

2. Ever noticed that girls complain about being in friendzone? It's because they understand what it means when someone says no. 

3. It bothers me that the intelligence of animals is measured by how willing they are to obey the commands of a human. The same goes for students at school. 

4. Dear universe, hello. I am writing to let you know you did a good job on the stars, and also on cats. Yours respectfully, me. 

5. Sleep is great because it's like being dead without hurting your family. 

6. I sure do laugh a lot for a person who's dead inside. 

7. Ok, honestly if you're ever curious about anything, get me sleep-deprived and ask me at 3 am in the morning and you'll get a solid answer. 

8. I'm pissed off. I'm pissed that amazing people are suicidal. I'm pissed that kids get cancer. I'm pissed that poor people can't afford college. I'm pissed that soulmates don't end up together. I'm pissed that people lie. I'm pissed that no one cares about the earth. I'm pissed that people are fake as fuck. I'm mad because this world is so fucked up and there's nothing I can do about it.  

9. So, tell me. Where shall I go? To the left, where nothing is right? Or to the right, where nothing is left? 

10. I hate when people ask me "what did you do today?" like buddy listen I woke up at noon and then it was 5 pm okay? I don't know.