Short Stories

A Pain Unforeseen Part 2

Kieran gently sat Emma on the sofa and held her close to his chest for a few minutes before pulling away and holding her at arms length, looking hard at her, searching for answers to stop his mind from tearing itself apart with worry. "Emma, love, what happened?" he asked her. Trying his very best to keep his voice as steady and as calm as possible. Emma took a few deep breaths in and shook her head slowly, trying to process the words to say. She kept her eyes permanently planted to her hands that lay on her lap. "I.." she started, her voice breaking. She felt herself gasp for air as tears threatened to fall.

 "Emma," Kieran encouraged softly, kissing her forehead tenderly. Emma began again.

"I went to see doctor Ryans today... for the twelve week scan," She looked up for a moment to see Kieran nod his head in acknowledgement, he knew of this appointment. "And, well... you know I've been having pretty severe cramps recently." This time, she didn't look up. She took a breath and a tear escaped her eyes before she could stop herself. Kieran felt a thump lodge itself in his throat; he gently dragged his thumb over her cheek wiping away the tear that had fallen. "As she scanned, she noticed something wasn't right, so she went and got another doctor to look and he told me there was a complication and... and I realised... I'm so sorry Kieran," Her voice betrayed her and it snapped his heart in two, " I lost it." She whimpered. Kieran's heart plummeted. Tears he hadn't wanted, fell with no control down his face as pain enveloped him its its icy grip.

Emma felt Kieran's warm hands leave her arms and she heard him take a sharp intake of air, she brought up the courage to look up at her husband. He sat there beside her with his fingers through his hair and tears falling thick and fast down his stubbled cheeks. His breaths came short and fast and his lower lip trembled. Emma didn't know it was possible but her heart shattered even more. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." was all she could find herself saying, she couldn't comfort him, the guilt just over-ran her. 

"No." Kieran suddenly said sharply, taking hold of Emma's arms once again and looking at her straight in the eye. "Do not be sorry about this, it was out of your control and not your fault, please, please my love-" He gently grazed his thumb over her chin. "Please don't blame yourself, I love you...Em-" This time it was Kieran's voice that gave out; instead he pulled Emma close to his chest and held her tightly as they wept.

"Did Doctor Ryans say anything else?" Kieran asked his voice altogether softer and he ran his fingers through Emma's blonde curls. She nodded into his chest and brought herself up to look at him. "Err, yeah... she said that we can try again in a month, after my next cycle." She explained, motioning with her hands that Kieran took in his and kissed them softly. He nodded slowly before gently pressing his lips to hers in a small and gentle kiss. Emma sighed against his lips before pulling away and walking towards the stairs; her steps small. She finally felt exhaustion sweep over her.

Kieran got up and followed her quickly, without a sound he swept her into his arms and held her bridal style up the stairs, her head tucked under his chin perfectly. He placed her down on their bed, he pulled off her shoes and massaged her toes. He then reached over and kissed her again, his hand subconsciously wound its way to her stomach. "Emma," he began, sitting up, his eyes found his hands location. They widened. "Can I say goodbye? To our little one I mean?" His voice so soft it was almost a whisper. Emma felt herself melt at the sound of it, his voice always had a way of calming her, its smooth tone radiated his love. She nodded her reply, curious about his request. Kieran bent his head down to her stomach, kissing it with all the tenderness in the world before allowing his soft, velvet-like voice to say words he didn't know he had.

"Hey, little one. I guess the time wasn't quite right for you to enter into this world just yet, but thats ok. We're not mad...We miss you little one, even though we won't be able to meet you, we will miss you everyday and we are devastated we cant meet you." He broke away for a moment, tears threatening to spill. 

" You were our little miracle, and Mummy and Daddy love you so much and, even though you're not here with us, we know you're safe in heaven, you were just wanted there earlier then expected-" Emmas' hand placed itself on her husbands' and squeezed gently.

 "One day, we will have another little miracle running around this place; I hope I get to see your eyes in them, and we will love them just as much as we love you, I wish we got to see you here. But... I guess you just weren't ready yet... Goodbye." A drop of salty water smeared his cheek. He thought of all the things to say to ease the pain, he still felt he hadn't said enough.

A short intake of breath broke him form his trance. Kieran looked up to see his wife holding her face in her right hand, trying her hardest not let him know she was crying again. He instinctively lowered himself next to her wrapping her to him. With his free hand he stroked her hair before bringing it down to her round face and distinctive jaw line, locking his ice blue eyes with her faded oceans. He noticed that though they lit up with love at him, her happiness had evaporated. Agony ripped at his chest, knowing he couldn't do anything, Kieran just wanted the day to end. 

Emma wanted the same thing. She longed for sleep to over take her body; to reset time and start all over again; she longed for the pain that never ceased to caress her soul to leave and never return. She couldn't bear to see the same heartbreaking agony swim through Kieran's eyes. Turning her back to him, she closed her eyes in solitude, her husbands grip on her torso loosened to let her move further away from him. He snapped off the light beside them on the cream coloured bedside table. Darkness swooped in to capture the absence left by the light.