Daffodil amongst Thorns

4. The Storm

One thing was being teased and bullied, there was very little I could do about that. I did hope that I could control the bed-wetting. I tried everything to avoid it like not drinking anything after supper and I tried visiting the toilet several times before I went to bed. On top of all this, I prayed and prayed that God would help me and cure whatever caused me to wet the bed.

Nothing happened. In fact, it became worse. I started wetting the bed every day. I was at school now for about 3 weeks and it was just becoming worse. There was no one to confide in. I didn't want to tell Brother Francis because his solution was just diapers. I had no friend to ask if this was normal or not. There was no friend to tell how worried I was. The bed-wetting was getting hard to hide and it was causing a lot of confusion in my mind.

Brother Francis called me during a study hour, and I knew what this meant. He told me to visit his room that night before I went to bed. This was the start of a daily visit to him, where he would help me put on a diaper. I remember the first time that this happened. Despite that Brother Francis treated me with the utmost respect, it was the most humiliating thing that I tried. It was like any self-esteem and pride that was left disappeared, and I was once again a baby. It was hard walking back to the dorm and hoping no one would see how bulky they were or how noisy diapers can be.

During the day, the other boys continued to tease me and try to convince themselves that I was weak and too much like a girl. Shane was one that ended up doing his best in humiliating me. Shane was someone that always boasted that his dad was a member of parliament. He tried one day to humiliate me when he invited me into the billiards room. I was challenged to a game and was reluctant to do this. There were other boys there wanting some entertainment. I was not all that interested in accepting the challenge, as I knew it was just a setup and an excuse to humiliate me more. It was also a chance for Shane to show how tough he could be. I was to be the victim of their entertainment. However, I ended up playing billiards.

Surprisingly I won and it was the first good thing that happened to me in weeks. Maybe this would show them that I was not totally a lost cause. This was not the case, as one of the boys pushed me to the floor and hit me with a billiard stick. I started crying which just made them mock me more. I looked as they left me on the ground. They were giving each other high fives. Shane was the only one that did not smile. He had this worried look on his face. Shane may have been worried, but he did not help me.

Things did not get better nor did they become worse. When people saw me, they flung insults at me. They would repeat and again that I was a sissy and they thought I was gay. No one ever wanted to be around me, not even the brothers or the staff. The only person I had contact with was Brother Francis.

I was finally allowed to go home for the weekend. I was looking forward to this as it was a place where people knew me, and I was not looked down at. It was a place where I had friends, and they did not consider me weird. I was worried about the bed-wetting. What would mom say when she found out that I now wore diapers at nighttime? What would my brothers say?

Things were not as I expected. Nothing changed when I was at home. Everyone was the same. It was me that was different. I was now a wounded creature and the scars from the way I was treated still hurt. I hid in my bedroom all weekend and did not speak with anyone. When mom tried to speak with me, I would tell her that I had to study and do homework. This annoyed my mother, as she asked why would I come home and hide inside my bedroom?

To be honest, I do not know why I was not social. I was relieved when I did not wet the bed at home. However, the time at home was like I was counting down the hours until I had to go back to school. My mom could see that I was not happy and this worried her. She asked me if everything was OK at school and if I was happy to be there. I did not respond. I kicked myself after as this was my chance to come back home. I lost a golden opportunity.