Daffodil amongst Thorns

6. Sissy Baby

I wanted to go home. I could not put up with the bullying and the teasing again. I was tired of being considered strange and inferior. Life at boarding school was hell. Being teased and bullied was the best that happened to me. At least it gave me some contact with the others. The worse thing was being alone and feeling like you have no support or friends. The worse thing was not having hope!

I told mom all this and hoped she would tell Dad tp pick me up straight away. I did not expect her to be silent. After a few minutes of hearing Dad's voice in the background, Mom told me that she thought I should try some more and to "stick it out". This shocked me and I told her that my life could not get any worse. I begged for her to come and collect me. She refused to come and told me to wait a few days. My aunt was coming to visit me, and she would speak to me.

I felt even more alone now as I thought my family was ignoring me. The next time when I went to get my diaper on, Brother Francis told me to sit and have a chat with him. He told me in a nice way that I could tell him my problems. I told him what my life was like. Brother Francis just sat there and listened.

"I heard that they found out about the diaper," he said, "I know for a boy your age that this is very humiliating. The fact is that children can be so mean. You are a good person. I think we should speak about this when you come and get changed. You need someone to talk with about your sufferings."

This made me smile as someone wanted to listen to me. Brother Francis told me that whenever he felt like he was suffering, he offered these sufferings to Jesus. He explained that Jesus suffered for us and our sins, so we can offer our sufferings for him. He reminded me to imagine that the sufferings that Jesus had were far worse than what we experience.

When I went back to my cubical in the dorm, I found a pacifier on my bed. I threw the pacifier in my drawer and looked up to heaven and told Jesus that I appreciate that he died for our sins.

I was teased as much as I ever was. My body had black and blue marks because I was shoved and at times punched. I tried being positive and I tried not to feel sorry for myself. During one study hour, I asked myself how many times did I smile since I came to this school? I knew that I could count them on one hand. Was this a sign of what the rest of my life would be like? Was there any light at the end of the tunnel?

My Aunt came and it quickly became obvious that she would not be taking me home. Despite what I told her about what this school was like and how lonely I was. When this did not work, I showed her the black and blue marks on my body. My uncle seemed to have some sympathy, but my aunt did not. I was told that our family was respected and liked. If I was having problems, then I should work on myself to be a better person.

I was now in tears and I stopped begging to go home. My aunt told me to stop crying. This school could be good for me and to help me mature. I looked at her wondering did she not notice how bad it was and how unhappy I was. I went silent and held my tears back.

When my aunt went, I looked at the school and said to myself that I did not want to go back to school. I walked to the park and sat on a bench. I could not stop the tears coming. I looked down as I did not want people to see me. All that went through my mind was the fact that I would have to survive here for years. The big question is would I survive?

This old woman sat down next to me and told me that I look like I was the saddest boy in the country. I did not reply but wiped my tears away.

"You feel like the world hates you and have many hardships." she said, "I bet you even asked God to help you and wonder where he is. I can assure you that you are not alone. You have the courage to survive the bullying and teasing that you got at school. You are different, and be proud of who you are. Remember to keep a good and pure heart. Remember to forgive. You are not alone and things will get better."