Primed For Guilt

6 and a half months after his death

'oh my you look even more beautiful in your sleep', my eyes opened to Zain facing me. It was our first day after our wedding.

'were you watching me sleep?'. I answered back as the morning sunlight shined through the room.

'hell no, I was asleep', he pretended to fall asleep again.

'they didn't tell me you were a stalker when they brought your rishta', I joked with him

'so now I'm creepy? ok I'm leaving', I grabbed his arm as he was about to leave.

'you have the most beautiful eyes, Zoya Khan', he removed my hair from my face and leaned in.

I could still feel his soft lips against mine. But that dream only lasted until my alarm went off. I was back in the present with my body feeling like it was on fire. I looked at myself in the mirror and barely recognized myself. I lifted my shirt to look at the scar on my stomach. The only memory I had left of him was this bruise and it had already turned blue.

'you awake, girlfriend?', Maryam stepped in with breakfast in her hand.

'you know you don't have to do this, Maryam'

'oh shut up and let me do my thing. Now eat this up before it gets cold', I don't know what I would have done without her. It was my first day back after Zain had gone.

We were walking back to our dorm room when it started pouring. I realized that I was out of my pills. I told Maryam to go ahead and wait for me in the dorm room. She insisted to join me but I didn't want anyone to know I was on medication. I walked my way to the pharmacy and the rain got worse. The electricity was out in the pharmacy and it was about time the water would come inside through the door. I wiped the water from my face, not caring that I was soaked. I heard someone drop something and I looked behind me to see who it was

'I'm sorry', a man said while picking up the cereal box. I squinted to recognize the unironed shirt and untidy look. It was the same guy I met at the airport! but was he following me? I decided to ignore him and pretend like nothing had happened at the airport. By this time it was thundering outside and I'm sure it was hailing as well.

''I have never seen pouring rain here in Karachi before in March'', the shopkeeper exclaimed while putting my pills in a shopping bag.

''salam miss Zoya. It's been long since I last saw you, no?'' the old shopkeeper adjusted his glasses to take a good look.

''I was away chacha jee''

''I heard you got married from Maryam. And you didn't even send you old chacha jee an invitation?'' he laughed, unaware of the truth

''do you have a ride back home, miss Zoya?'', the shopkeeper asked me. He knew me from before when I used to shop here.

''I'll call an uber chacha jee. The dorm room is just a few minutes away'', I answered back while looking at the thunderstorm. Suddenly we heard a noise and turned around to find the same guy with a pile of crisps on the floor.

''I'll pick it up no worries'', he assured chacha jee

''he is crazy'', Chacha jee mouthed.

I hurriedly got my medication and went towards my dorm. How did he know I was here? so he is not that innocent after all then. At this point my blood started boiling and went home and told Maryam the whole story word by word.

''Zoya don't you get it? he pretended to help you just so he could follow you!'', Maryam exclaimed. I had never seen her talk this much sense

''but why would someone do that?''

''or maybe he is with the mafia!'', never mind