Rants I Found in My Phone

i avoid talking about my feelings

i was talking to my girlfriend at the time after a small fight because i had blown up a bit on her for ranting when i needed to talk

ok so i've been doing a lot of thinking about why i didn't want to talk about stuff with you last night

i think it's because i hate worrying you

but also because whenever i rant to someone either

1) they make it about themselves so i taught myself to just not rant

2) they make me feel bad about myself

3) they make me feel worse about the situation

4) i make no sense and make myself feel worse.

like i really really really needed to talk about some stuff earlier and i was really sad and in emotional and physical pain

so i wanted to talk to you
but then when i was about to say something
i thought about what the result could be.

then you started doing your little rant

and i just felt worse
and i wanted to listen to you
but i couldn't help because i was feeling so shitty that i couldn't think about how to help which made me feel even worse.

but also when i was with *my other ex* and i'd rant

it was always very obvious that i upset her

and i absolutely hated that
so i don't want to upset you too.

i hate feeling like i'm the one who hurt someone

even if it was my feelings that hurt them.

so i put my feelings aside and try to help them

when i was the one who needed help.

so i just avoid talking about my feelings in general.

Welp this is the last one..until i rant more to my phone cause i lost all my friends and we're in quarantine so i can't make new ones (and i suck at making friends)