i don't know why but 4/9 was a really bad day and i don't think said it enough
i wish i wouldn't waste my life daydreaming about an entire other universe where my life is significantly better. like i invested so much time in that one so now the real me is just weird.
i am just numb numb numb
like i don't want to cry (not that i would help me feel better anyways) but i can't be happy either
my mom and i r slowly drifting apart
i've already accepted the fact i disassociated myself with my siblings
and my dad? we won't even speak of it
i always get down when i'm about to reach my peek
i'm listening to my old playlist rn (jan-feb 2020 playlist :( ) i didnot expect to any of this corona shit
i don't know what i want but i don't want this
i'm getting tired
i will wake up early and go outside to the trampoline and reflect till the sun comes up then i will exercise for 10 mins max then i will eat a HEALTHY breakfast at a healthy time then i will go back to my room and start my todo list. once i finish it i will start a project.
i was thinking making a post it wall or the psychological notebook thing i saw on tiktok but that's beside the point
i will make my last spring break day productive
okay good night for real
just kidding
i just want to know why i was so down today. the vibe was just off but i kept pushing it aside by turning on youtube music tiktok or whatever to avoid silence and think. i don't think i've ever sat down in silence and just think. i don't even go to sleep in silence. am i afraid of it? i'm not sure.
i'm also afraid for my friends. i've lost contact with half of them and i only see their lives through private stories. r they okay? they seem okay but bored i wish it didn't have to be like this. i wish i had the willpower to ft them and just put on idk a chirpy version of myself and laugh at everything and fill my storage with funny screenshots again.
i don't want to be numb and journaling isn't working because it's not the same with these new journals i miss my own yellow one. i'm also adding journaling to my list.
it is 1:33am and i'm going to stop all my extra thought r going to be written down in my journal or notes
good night FR
yuna🐸
