WHY..? -Sanders Sides

Chapter 1, The monster within..

WARNING; This book includes themes such as:

Body hate, depression/mental illnesses, possible suicide mentioning and further dark themes.

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Morality.. The symbolism of him being the base of Thomas Sander's main emotions of course made him a significant person to be, his life purposeful and needed by the other, along with the many other sides to Thomas himself, ranging from Anxiety to Logic, the many sides of course would create conflict between one another at times, but that was how it was meant to be..

Them.. well, not being the only sides to Thomas, the dark sides would of course be present too at times when needed, sometimes more soon than thought about. But who was to state they were actually the.. well- Dark sides..? Sure, everyone had their own downsides, and maybe a darker well, side in a way, but no one could be deemed evil.. right..?

The Dark sides were just misunderstood beings..

Or that's what Patton thought at least, his dark strange son confirming it in a way, he was just misunderstood as a former Dark side he wasn't evil.. So Patton had the right to believe the other's weren't as well.. right? 

Sure, Remus was a little violent, but who wasn't at times..? Maybe it was a defence mechanism to well.. maybe help hide his insecurities, it was a possibility after all.. What if Deceit was a compulsive liar and couldn't help but lie..? It wasn't his fault, he was a good person once you met him.. right..?

What if Patton was seen as a Dark side..?

Yes.. he was moral, but what if he was just saying that just to hide the truth..? After all, there was no harm in a little white lie as long as it was for the better, right..? It had to be..

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The sound of Roman's song bird's cut Patton out of his thoughts, the blue clad male flinching at the sound as it brought him back to reality, gulping as he ran a hand through his messy locks of hair as he turned his back to the mirror that stood taunting him. As if it was smirking and beckoning him closer, just for him to break down and fall back into the emotionless state of mind as the night he wasted, listening to his self deprecating and intrusive thoughts as they swarmed his mind.

Fat.. look at you, you're overweight..- No one likes you, they're just saying that to make you feel better-

Patton sniffled, taking a deep shaky breath as he tried his best to ignore the hiss of the words in the back of his mind, fiddling with his shirt as he slipped it over his head, tightly hugging himself as he flinched once more at the sound of a loud knock on his door. "Padre you awake? I'm hungryy-" A harsh swallow on his end, his dry tongue gliding over the top of his mouth as he shuddered in disgust at the feeling. "R-right.. I'm awake, I'll be out in a minute..-"

"Are you okay, Padre..?"

"Y-yeah! Yeah of course i am, just give me a second, I'll be out in a second-" Roman hummed, hesitating before walking down the hallway, retreating away from Morality's room, making his way down to the living quatres, Logan already awake and sparing him a light hearted wave in welcome as he turned back to the paperwork he was working on.

Patton took a deep shaky breath as he closed his eyes, stress fully rubbing a hand down his face, pulling at the leathery skin as his body quivered with a light shudder before taking another deep inhale, exhaling through his nose as he shuffled out of his room and to the bathroom at the end of the hallway. His body jolting slightly as he didn't see Virgil perked up and leaning against the counter as he applied his makeup, glancing at Patton as he gently put down the eyeliner at the sight of the blue clad male.

"I um..- Dad y-you okay..?"

He gulped, nodding softly, as he gently manoeuvred past him to wash his face in the sink, cupping his shaking hands beneath the lukewarm water, gently washing his face as Virgil stood beside him, turning to look at him fully, holding out a towel for him as he hesitantly took it from him, gently and slowly drying his face and hands afterwards, mumbling a small 'thanks'. "I.. b-bad dream.. that's a-all.." Virgil sighed, slowly nodding as he looked over the other's messily done outfit, his cat hoodie pulled over his shirt instead of wrapped around his shoulders and glasses crooked. The younger hesitating before gently and carefully adjusting the boy's glasses for him, Patton sniffling softly.

"I.. c-can i have a hug..?" 

Virgil complying as he sighed, wrapping his arms around him, letting Patton rest his head on his shoulder as the more cat-like male held him close, gently rubbing his back. "You sure it was just a dream..? You seem really shaken up.."  He weakly nodded, taking a deep breath as they slowly parted.

"Y-yeah.. I'm sure.. Don't worry about it, I'm fine.." Virgil didn't believe a word, the anxiety from the other boy made his heart ache and body shiver as Patton weakly rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses, sniffling as he hesitantly began his morning routine, Virgil keeping an eye on him, not trusting him alone.

The two soon left the bright bathroom, Virgil flipping the light off as they left the room, and began walking downstairs. The soft 'Good morning' from each of the other light sides was what they received, Patton making his way into the kitchen as he sighed below his breath, doing his usual routine of cooking for the sides, knowing he had no other choice and that well.. he was the only one that could cook without misunderstanding a recipe or setting the kitchen or mindpalace on fire.

His stomach aching and beckoning him for food as he soon plated up the homemade pancakes, making sure he added the right toppings for each person, Remus and Deceit barrelling into the room at well.. the apparent 'smell of food' from their rooms. 

Patton waited until everyone was settled in their seats before he began handing out each plate of food, setting his down in between Virgil and Roman, the prince's twin beside him as they two instantly engaged into conversation. Remus and Logan beginning to eat while occupying their attention else where. Virgil keep an eye on Patton as he slowly picked at his own food, keeping his head down, making sure no one was looking at him before slowly placing small amounts of pancake into his mouth, chewing as discretely as possible. His attention somehow on Patton as well as everyone around him at the same time.

Breakfast was a slow and torturous meal time, Patton eating half of a pancake being slipping away from the table and throwing his remains away of the food, shuddering as the food hit and rustled the bag within the bin.

He sighed, heating up the spare pancakes before placing them onto the table, and just as he knew, the others instantly started snatching for more, him watching until each one was gone, taking the empty plate to the kitchen as he sighed, bowing his head as he began to wash up.