Love hurts { TomTord | Hanahaki }

Chapter 5

Do it.

The voice was back.

I started at the pistol more..

Would they be happy....?

——

I snapped out of my thoughts.
What the hell was I thinking.
Suicide isn't me.
I was the Red Leader for fucks sake.
I don't fall because of some absurd love interest.
I take what I want.
I kill whoever I want.
I shouldn't be thinking like a pathetic weakling.

I cock the gun out of anger for myself and blindly shoot somewhere in the room.
Realizing what I did, I started to panic.
I was frustrated.
So frustrated.

" Tord! What was that?! "

Shit.

" U-Uhm...Nothing, Edd! It was nothing! J-Just...uhh. An old horror movie! "

" ......Ok.. "

I heard him quiet down.
Shit.
I looked over to where I shot.

Phew.
It was in this side room.
Sadly, it was in the head of the anime girl on my tentacle porn poster.
I can buy a new one.

I sighed in frustration.
I felt a small pinch of pain on the left side of my neck.

" Please tell me it didn't open up again.. "
I murmured to myself.

I felt my neck, remembering all that happened and why I was in this situation.
I felt the bumpy feeling of my skin.
Having many scars from the explosion.
Then I felt something....soft?
I took out my phone and looked at my reflection.

I saw a small little flower bud.
I frowned.

Should I talk to Matt about it?
He seems like someone I can talk to.
Even though I punched him in the face...

I thought against it.
Then I thought for it.

My mind was such a mess.
I know Tom would never love me.
So why even try.

I'm better off getting the surgery.

You're better off dead that's what for.

" Shut up.. "

Your " friends " are probably talking about you behind your back.

" Just shut up already... "

I started to bang my head on the walls.

This whole thing is pointless.
Why can't I just be happy like everyone else?
Why can't I just be normal?
Why did I have to try and blow up my friends, killing Jon in the process might I add.
I should have just stayed here and not left all those years ago.
I missed out on adventures, and I missed out on watching my friends grow and prosper.
If I would have stayed, maybe Tom would have liked me.
We could have been together at this point.
Yet I had to go and fuck it all up.

The more I got lost in my thoughts, the harder I started to bang my head.

Eventually, I hit my head so hard you could hear a small 'crack' , and my nose started to bleed.

Just great.
Just fucking great.

I held my red hoodie up to my nose, trying to stop the blood from getting everywhere.
I started to get a headache and lose my footing a bit.

I must have really hit it a bit too hard..

I powered through and walked as fast as I could to the bathroom not far from my room.

" Get a nose bleed from all that disgusting anime porn you watch?
How perverted can you be? "

My heart sank.
No no no not right now.
Please just leave me alone.

I pushed him out of my way and proceeded to walk to the bathroom.
It was right in front of me until, Tom, had to grab my hood and yank me backwards.
Causing me to suck down some coppery blood.
I slightly gagged at the taste.

" And where the fuck do you think you're going?
I wasn't done talking to you. "

Since he was only holding me back by my hood, I slid out of the jacket and this time ran to the bathroom that awaits me.

I made it in time to only close the door.
Thinking I locked it, the petals and the blood from my nose started to fall again.

I plugged up my nose with some toilet paper, while looming over the sink.

I washed what blood I could off of my face, violently coughing here and there; without trying to get the paper in my nose all wet.

I looked down at my left arm.

Looks like it bled through the fabric.

Then proceeded to wash that blood off.

——

Once I was done cleaning myself up, I just started and looked at myself in the mirror.
I looked horrible.
My skin looked paler than usual and I had dark bags under my eyes.
My cheek bones and jaw line were also a little more prominent due to lack of nutrition.
I lifted up my gray shirt.
What I saw wasn't bad.
I wasn't as muscular ,but not like I'm going back to the army base anyway, and my ribs were a little more prominent as well.

I'll try eating something later.
When my stomach settles.

Finally done, I put my ear to the door and listened if Tom was still there.
Hearing nothing, I decided to open it.

No one was out here.
Deeming it safe, I walked back to my room.
I closed the door and thought again about the surgery.

It costs about 21,000 to 25,000 but I think I have some cash left over.

I called my doctor and made the appointment.

I have until next week to prepare.

——