"okay" isn't a word where i come from | ninjago

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it was already past midnight. the other ninjas were already asleep in their separate bedrooms, except for their youngest member.

the son of lord garmadon, the green ninja, the chosen one, the leader of the ninja team. the list goes on.

he was all those things to the people of ninjago. he was everything for them, except for one thing.

lloyd garmadon. the kid who was hated by all, left alone by his family to look after himself. lloyd garmadon, who was broken inside. who desperately needed help, but wouldn't ask because his well being wasn't as important to him as his image.

he was the green ninja, he was supposed to be strong and fearless. but look at him now. crying alone in his room, curled up in a ball of pity because he is so afraid.

so afraid of himself.

so afraid of what he might do to himself.

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to this day he could not believe that his mother had actually left him as a little kid at a boarding school for bad children. what was she thinking? that they would take good care of him?

lloyd couldn't help but chuckle bitterly.

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since lloyd never had someone to look after him as a child, he had to find a way to cope with his negative emotions himself. he was told by the teachers and students of his boarding school that crying was for weak and good people.

but he didn't want to be good. he wanted to be evil. just like his father. (if lloyd was being honest with himself, he just wanted to be evil so that his dad would love him, but he would never admit that.)

so crying wasn't an option. but the students at his school would soon help him find a solution.

whenever lloyd was "weak" and cried the other students would beat him up and after that he felt better. because he deserved it. he deserved all the pain and it also made him forget his mental problems by focusing on the physical ones.

so that was when lloyd first started to harm himself.

it started with normal slaps on his wrists that didn't even leave bruises at first. but then it ended in him slicing open his skin with a knife he had found in the schools cafeteria.

he had to be rushed to the hospital once, he was 8 years old back then. he had tried to take his own life.

when the schools principal and teachers confronted him about it he said that he was practicing what he could do on his enemies. and the teachers were proud, because of how "evil" lloyd was.

just thinking about it still made him sick.

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he will probably never forget the night he was suspended from darkleys.

after not passing another test about being evil, the teachers decided that they have had enough of him. they didn't even let him pack and get his stuff. they just grabbed him and threw him out.

he was being thrown like puppet. like he was worthless without any feelings.

he still has scars from this today.

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the young blond had walked around ninjago for weeks without food, how he was able to keep on walking he didn't know, maybe it was his hope to see his father.

he walked through ice and hot deserts with barely making any stops, completely alone, with no one who could make sure he was okay. but it was okay.

lloyd had felt alone ever since he had been left at darkleys.

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something that he probably won't forget ever again either had something to do with his now best friends - his brothers, his only family.

and even though he loves all of them with his whole heart he cant help but remember how they had hung him up on a sign on a house.

he was just ten and all he wanted was food to keep him from starving and his father to love him.

but they didn't see that. they only saw him as garmadons little brat, destined to become just like his father.

this incident was probably also the reason for why he doubted that they actually loved him for him as lloyd garmadon, but instead for him as the green ninja.

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