How To Remember

Remembering?

Carr's POV: 

I woke up and jumped to my feet, momentarily forgetting where I was, and as soon as the image of Jared sitting right in front of me registered in my brain, I sat back down and went to sleep. Before I drifted off, I could have sworn that I'd been there before. Talk about Deja vu. 

Waking up again, I opened my eyes expecting to see Jared again, but instead I saw Jared and his parents staring at me from a photo on his nightstand. Realizing I was in his room, I stormed out, angered that he put me her after I told him I wanted to sleep on the couch. I would've gotten lost had it not been for the bathroom in which I used as a landmark to figure out where I was. That's how big his house was. After that, I swiftly maneuvered through his castle of a house, searching for him. 

I turned the corner and found him sitting at the kitchen table, solemnly, looking at a picture of me. Surprised, I tripped and made a grunting noise. Jared shoved the picture in his pocket as he turned around. I was about to smack him for putting me in his room, but what I saw in his eyes stopped me in my tracks. 

He looked lost and hopeless. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. Somehow I knew exactly what to do. I walked over and just sat down right next to him and waited until he was okay. It was so second nature that for a second I thought that this had happened before. It was almost like I did it everyday. About five minutes later, he began to sleep. The word 'depression' crept into my mind, but I pushed it away without a second thought, not wanting to think of bipolar disorder or my dad. When he woke up, we started talking of pointless things, and he started to get really antsy, so he got up and paced. Then, he started getting all irritated like everything was bothering him and I don't doubt that it was. Then, the realization hit me full force in the face. Jared was bipolar. It perfectly explains the mania and the depression.  

All of a sudden I smacked my forehead. I already knew that. That's why I knew what to do, but how did I know? I searched through my thoughts trying to remember, but then the familiar pain shot through my head and once again, I was on the ground clutching my head in a futile attempt to rid myself of the pangs arding through my skull. Next thing I knew, there he was again: my savior. Jared had saved me. Again. 

Jarred's POV: 

Living with my bipolar disorder had it's pros and cons. The pros outweighing the cons by a landslide due to the fact that if I wasn't bipolar then I would never have met Carr. 

That day, my mood swings were out of control, but I really didn't care because Carr was there, just like in the past when she would sit with me through my episodes of mania and depression and make me feel normal and free from this disease. While I was pacing back and forth across my living room, I heard an annoying thump behind me. Angry, I turned around to see her lying on the floor in pain. Guilt and sadness washed over me like a tsunami.  

"Carr, this is all my fault," I said, an emotional wreck, literally. 

She sat up so dizzily it made me dizzy and fell back down, but sat up once more, slower that time, and said, "Nothing that has to do with my problem is your fault." 

"Yes it is," I said back, "I couldn't help myself. I loved you so much and I still do." I clasped onto her hands and bored into her eyes. " I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's my fault that you're going through all this pain." 

Carr stared up at me dumbfounded and yelled, "what the he'll are you talking about?" 

I let go of her hand. I had to tell her, even f it hurt her. My guilty desire for her love was stronger than my power of will. 

I took a breath and began to talk fast, not taking a breath to stop, "All the stuff you remember about your dad just leaving your family is false and preposterous!" we were best friends and I loved you, but you forgot about me and everyone else when your father in front of you in a failed attempt at starting over and being happy," I lowered my voice and begged, "Please just remember. I miss you and as cliché as it is, I couldn't live without you, so please just remember me. Remember us." 

Seeing no recognition in her eyes, I left, defeated and empty. My soul had left with her memory. There was no reason to anything anymore. Carr was all the rhyme and reason I'd ever need, but now she was gone and I was left without and hopeless.

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