Only You

i need that loving only you can give

She wasn't his girl. But a week later, the fact that she wasn't made her uneasy. He was still away and the expectations that they communicate and have intentionally gooey conversations still freaked her out a little.

She told him so. She wasn't leading him on, but she needed him to be patient with her. It was more of an issue with relationships in general than about Dean. They spoke on the phone every night and she was beginning to feel progressively worse about telling him she wasn't ready yet as he continued to pursue her.

"Dean, you know I want to be with you, I just- I don't know why-"

"It's okay, Zo we can talk about it when I'm back." Dean wasn't stressed about it because he never wanted her to agree to something without being 100% sure. He didn't want her to agree if she was still harboring doubts about his commitment. All he could do was continue to be persistent with her.

Meanwhile, Zoey was beating herself up about saying no and missing Dean at the same time. So on Friday, when he still wasn't back one of her co workers talked her into going out.

And that is how she ended up at her co-worker Ciara's house, outfitted in a black mini dress that felt two times too small. "I won't beat your face because you already look uncomfortable as hell," Ciara commented, snickering a little as she applied her lipstick.

Zoey pulled at the hem of her dress from where she was sitting on Ciara's bed. It didn't help that she was wearing 4 inch heels. After about an hour more of Ciara curling her hair, she was ready to go. Zoe rose from the bed, stretching her arms.
" Girl I'mma need you to please try to have fun," Ciara stated, grabbing her arms. "It'll help you forget about whatshisname for a minute."

After drink number two, Zoey was kind of having fun but she didn't know how much longer that was going to last because after a few dances Ciara was pulled away by a very attractive man. She danced by herself for a few minutes but when she felt the presence of a man behind her she took off for the bar.

She sat down at a stool to order a tonic water this time. She pulled out her phone

Everything good? She read a message from Dean.

She hadn't told him she was going out with Ciara, not because he would be upset but because it still hurt to think about her nonsensical rejection.

She didn't understand her mind's hesitation.

She looked up as someone suddenly leaned on the bar next to her.

A man of course. He was brown skinned, with the typical beard and mega watt smile. She wished he wasn't wasting his time by attempting to chat her up.

"Hey, can I get you something stronger than that?" he said playfully. She smiled in embarrassment and shook her head no.

" No? You're too beautiful to be sitting over here by yourself," he continued with the charm.

"Thanks but..." she laughed awkwardly.

" He looked at her and cocked his head to the side.

"Blink twice if you've got a man," he said.

Zoey frowned in confusion and apparently blinked twice in her confusion because he dramatically face palmed.

"Go home to your man, girl," he said very soberly.

Zoey threw her hands in the air. "I mean...I don't..."

"I'll even call you an Uber."

So at 1:30 AM, after she had texted Ciara that she was going home, she sat in an Uber riding back to her apartment.

She FaceTimed Dean. When he answered, as she knew he would, she just stared at him for a few minutes. His eyes were barely open and he was lying in bed. "You are so fiine," she said finally. At that he opened his eyes fully, grinning. "Thank you baby," replied, then frowned as he noticed she wasn't at home. "Where you at?" he questioned, sitting up.

" I went out with Ciara..." she proceeded to tell the story. Dean of course was living for her interaction at the bar. "I'm glad he knew to back off or I mighta had to fly back early," he joked.

She giggled, just looking at him and sighed. He was so handsome.

When she didn't say anything for a few minutes, he said, "what's going on in that head of yours, Zo?"

She bit her lip. He didn't need to know. "Nothinggg," she replied, blushing a little.

Dean raised his eyebrows. "You wildin tonight Zo?"

"No!" but she was too buzzed to change the subject quickly enough.

"Zo...are you still a virgin?"

That sobered her up a little. Her past relationship with sex was something she definitely did not enjoy talking about. She wasn't a virgin anymore, but she hadn't had sex since her first time in college. It was stupid moment during her freshman year of college. A cute junior had all the right words and it just kind of happened. They were never together. They might have been, but Zoey shut him out afterwards. She didn't like that he was able to bring her in to her emotions like that, so she ran. That was the end of that. And it had hurt too much to actually feel good. She just didn't feel like he had been worth the pain.

Since then she'd decided that she wasn't interested in that part of her life until someone was worth it.

That's not to say that she wasn't to say she hadn't thought about it before with a certain someone.

Over the years, the decision of abstinence had become more of a promise to God but there was no real temptation to break her promise until now.

"No... that's the short answer."

"Who was it?" he questioned. She quirked her brow.

"College."

"Hmm. That's the name of the nigga?"

She squinted at the camera.

"I'm kidding. You never told me about anybody though. We was best friends."

There was obviously a gap in Dean's memory. For a short time when they both first started college, they didn't talk at all because they were both just too busy. They hadn't even reconnected until right before they were both juniors. " We weren't talking at the time. And it's not really important."

She sighed because she wished she was angrier about his words.

But she was Dean's. She had been his for the past 14 years in all the ways that mattered. And until now, that had absolutely sucked.

He hadn't been hers though.

There was just too much to process. "Dean, I think you should go to bed. This is stupid," Zoey said, not wanting to explain herself any further.

He shook his head. "No, no, I'm sorry, I'm stupid," he said, without a lick of sincerity. He knew by the way she was trying to change subjects that it mattered more than she cared to say, but she was uncomfortable. So he wouldn't push it for now, even though he wanted to know everything about her. "Text me when you get home," he said because she looked like she was done with him for the moment.

Zoey took a deep breath. "Don't hang up," she said quickly, remembering why she had even called him in the first place. Dean looked a little confused, but of course he stayed put. "I would never hang up on you," he replied.

She rolled her eyes to the heavens. Whatever nigga.

Zoe stared at him for a while, but he wasn't at all uncomfortable. He'd never had a problem with her attention. In fact, he reveled in it.

"I want to be your girl," she finally said, looking down at her fingers.

"What?" he responded, a smile growing on his face. "My connection is unstable could you repeat that?"

Zoey groaned. "Bro you are so annoying, but for some reason I still want to be your girl." 

Dean's face hurt from smiling so hard. He was sure Zoey could see all the love in his eyes, but he knew he needed to keep it light hearted so that she wouldn't pull away. 

"You already are, Zo."