PTSD//bnha

The rescue team's day off!

I was sitting on the couch playing on my Mintendo when they asked me if I wanted to go shopping with them. All I wanted to do was cover my self in blankets and sleep. For a long time. Except I can't, because every time I close these stupid eyes it goes back to his bloody body on the mountain. I closed my eyes tighter at the thought.
"All you do is lay around. I understand you are grieving. We all are. I just want to help." Said Shino.
She looked like she was staying up late recently. She's biting her finger nails which was one of her old habits. It's better than the usual "Idontknowhowtocomfortyousoimjustgonnacrossmyarms". She misses Tomoko who was kidnapped with Bakugou. I'd be lying if I didn't miss her too. She was my family. And she was taken from me. Just like everyone else. I know Shino worries about me but she needs to worry more about herself and finding Tomoko before- before something bad happens.
"Would it make you feel better if I went with you?" I whispered underneath the safety of my blankets.
"Yes. Yes it would" she breathed a sigh of relief.
She stopped biting her fingers and went to grab her coat from the mess that was her office. I slid my boring old shoes on and headed to her in the office. It was full of tabs for missing persons and Statistics that I don't really understand (but I wouldn't let anyone hear that from me).
Shino grabbed some folders and her keys.

"You ready to go?"
"... yeah"

I got into the car and we started moving. Didn't bother with that fidgety seatbelt.
We got to... somebody's house?
"You don't mind if pixiebob and tiger come along do you?"
"I guess not." It's not like I had a choice anyways.
Tiger struggled to fit into the minivan while pixiebob and mandalay (Shino) exchanged a few words in secret. I don't even care to listen in on what they're talking about. It's probably about Ragdoll (Tomoko) or more about the incident. At this point we don't even bother with real names and just call them by their hero names for the sake of convenience. Though Tomoko got us to use our first names more which is why I think we went back to more formal approaches.

"Tiger get in the back seat you're too big." Pixiebob said bluntly.

"What?? It took me forever to fit in this tiny car seat!" Tiger pleaded.
He wiggles into the backseat and she handed me something. It was a shoe box.

"I know it might be too soon, but I know that you wanted something to remind you of the person who saved your life."

It was a poorly wrapped rectangular box. I tore open the wrapping paper and inside was a shoebox.

"Go on." She said.

I opened it up and inside were small red shoes similar to that of the boy who saved my life. I didn't know what to think. A part of me was mad. Why would want to remind me another person risked their life to protect me? It's like insult to injury. And another part of me was glad. Deep inside, I knew I wasn't mad. I wanted to hold onto it forever. I wanted to put them on and never take them off. I wanted to where them to sleep at night to somewhat tell my dreams "I'm a hero too!" And stand up for myself. I wanted these but I didn't.

"Thanks."

It somewhat looked like relief poured into her face like she was scared I wouldn't like it. I know she has a lot going on too. I've already done enough. I just want to go home with my blankets so they can muffle my cries. Tomoko was the glue that held us together.
And now we're only falling apart.

We made it to the mall and right on time because about 50 different cars were trying to make it in for some sale from some store. Really shows how the world moves on and you don't.

They all surrounded me like somehow that could protect me from the outside world. We went around with them smothering me for a while until Shino told them to stop and give me some space.

"I have to buy some things from the main clothing store so make sure you behave yourselves." Shino smirked smugly.

Was she not talking about me? Of course. I'm with these doofuses.
We parades around the mall looking at different things until we came to a stand still.

"Do... you want anything in particular? My treat." Pixiebob asked.

"Sure."
We walked up to what was my favorite game store. Hadn't been there in a while since we lived up on the mountain.
I went up to my favorite game, Pomekon.
"I'd like the new co-" he had started to say before he was cut off. Where's Pixiebob and Tiger?? A man in a suit and tie kneeled down with a group of cameras and other men and women.

"Were you the kid that Midoriya Izuku has saved?" The man started. Suddenly everyone around him started berating him with questions Where was I the night of the attack? Did he cause the avalanche? What became of the Villain.
I can't breathe.
It feels like walls are closing in on me and there's no breathable oxygen. I held on to the game and ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Everything over the past weeks I've bottled up. No, my whole life. My hate of heroes and the fear I felt and the fear I feel now. It's like a dam that's cracking under the pressure of the water. It just keeps flooding out. I can't even see where I'm going until I slammed into a familiar body.
"Kota?! I'm so sorry Tiger just-" she had noticed he was crying.
"Oh- ah Kota... what happened?" She didn't seem quite comfortable with children.

"Ahmm Tiger, What should we do??"

"You ask me like I know myself."

"I can't do it!" I sobbed in between hot wet cries.

"Can't do what?"

" I keep..sob.. pretending... like- like everything's fine and I'm not bothered by what happened. That I don't think it's my fault he's dead and-and that I'm not sad that my mom and dad are gone and-and... sob"

"You're angry all the time even though you can't change the past." Pixiebob sighed.
Tiger patted his back.
"It's fine to be angry. It's fine to have these feelings. You have a right to. You just have to make sure they don't control you." Tiger said calmly.
"We feel this all the time."
"E-even Shino?" He said quieting down.

"I know she feels the same, maybe even more. She wants you to be happy so she's putting on a brave face."
He told them about the dreams he was having. Everything. It felt better to let it all out.

"Ryoko, y-yawara... I MISSED YOU!" He ran into their arms. I knew I was acting immature but Im allowed to at this point, right?
Shino ran up to him after dropping her groceries.
"What happened?? I left you alone with him for one-" she saw him crying and them crying and she couldn't not collapse on them into the big group hug.
"Welcome back Shino." Ryoko said.

"Everyone must think we look pretty crazy."
"Who cares. Wanna get some ice cream?"

The night ended with them driving back to the mountain full and a newly kind of refreshed. Like they needed this.
He fell asleep with ice cream on his lips and a smile on his face for the first time in a while.