I Think I Love You | Randy

track 20. cruel to be kind - nick lowe

Oh I can't take another heartache. Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wit's end.

***

"You're kidding, right?" I gaped at Olivia, utterly incredulous.

"I'm not, Andy."

"You didn't think to mention this while I was ranting to you about him the other day?"

She looked sheepish. "It didn't feel like the right time."

"Of course not," I scoffed. "Well that should at least tell you why I find your suggestion crazy. Getting your drug dealer brother to help someone addicted to cocaine."

"He's not a bad person," she defended. "He's had a complicated life, I'll admit that. Our childhood wasn't the easiest... but he knows this world."

"Because he's a part of the problem."

"He can help," she insisted. "Trust me on this, okay? And what other options do you have? Who else is going to answer your call at four in the morning?"

"I'm too tired to process this right now," I huffed, walking out of the kitchen. I went back into the bathroom to check on Jack. He was still curled in on himself in the tub, a weak shiver passing over his body every now and then. "How are you feeling?"

"Everything hurts," he groaned. He started slipping down the tub until he was completely submerged in the water, a few weak bubbles floating to the surface.

"Okay, I think bath time is over," I decided, reaching in to pull him up again. Jack just leaned against the side of the tub. It was the most miserable image I had ever seen. "I don't know what to do with you," I confessed, taking one of his hands.

"Do you have something that can make it stop?" he asked, eyes round and pleading as he looked up at me.

"You mean...?"

"I need a hit."

"Okay- no, no, no."

"Just a little bit," he whispered, grabbing onto the collar of my shirt so I couldn't leave. "It'll make it go away, I swear."

"Andy," Olivia said, poking her head around the door, "I've called him."

I just sighed, deciding to give in as I unlatched Jack's vice grip from my shirt. "This better work, because he's asking for more drugs now."

She left the room again as I helped Jack out of the bath and into a fresh pair of boxers from my drawer. I lead him back into my room where he laid down again, still shivering from the cold despite having been warmed up in the bath.

"Here," I said, throwing him a hoodie from the chair in my room. It happened to be one of Brook's, but giving him that felt more right somehow than lending him one of mine.

"It smells like him," Jack murmured, burying his nose in the fabric. After a few moments he began to sob again, the smell of Brook obviously triggering something painful within him.

"I'm sorry," I said, sitting down on the bed beside him. I didn't know what for, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. This whole situation was so far above my pay grade. Olivia had better be right about Sonny being equipped to deal with a situation like this, because I felt completely useless.

"Can I have my phone?"

"No," I said immediately.

"Why not?"

"Because I can't trust that you're not going to call your dealer."

Jack turned around, his all too familiar glare burning into me again. "Can't you see I'm in fucking pain?" he seethed through gritted teeth. "And it's all your fucking fault."