What goes up must come down

Part 30

Dereks POV
I don't know what's worse, being stuck in a small house with a bunch of supernatural kids, or being in the same house as my mate when the full moon is close. Both. Both are almost as equally torturous. They grew bigger the other night, when we were together, all of us. Like a real pack. So maybe that's the key "stiles, I think I might have figured it out." Stiles looked at me with a raised eyebrow. The kids were upstairs sleeping, it was about 10 pm so they were put to sleep at 8, stiles sat on the couch right next to me, a loose grey shirt and some black shorts. His hair was a bit messy and you could see the bags forming under his eyes "well? Figured out what" he asked "the other night they grew bigger. I think it was because we were close. And treated each other with respect. Like a real pack. I think that's the key to getting them back." He nods in thought "you might be onto something. But we still don't know how much time it's going to take them to get back to themselves normally." He said "your right about that, but I think the main key is pack bonding" he nods softly "you should get some sleep" I tell him and he smiles. He looks at me like I was weird "you should be talking" he stands up and reaches for my hand. I take it and he leads me up stairs to the room. Everything felt right, especially with him, his hand was soft and warm, he didn't rush us up stairs but I was still close behind him. We got into the room quietly not trying to wake the pups. He leads me to the bed, I pull him back a little bit and get in bed first and pull him gently towards me. He climbs in right next to me, I wrap my arms around his waist bringing him closer and he lays his head on my chest. My stomach flutters and my heart swells.
He's so cute,he makes it hard not to mark him up~
Shut up.
Why? You know you want to. I know we want to.
If it was up to me I'd kiss him all over but-
It is up to you, up to us. You just don't want to commit because your scared!
I am scared because I don't want to lose him! I also don't have to be the obvious one to point out the litter of kids right next to us.
We both know neither of us would let him go. Not without us. And besides I don't see why your complaining, weren't you the one who said you wanted kids with him?
I quiet my wolf so that I can actually sleep. I see stiles already fell asleep cuddled up to me. He stole my heart. I just want to know how he got through my walls. From the moment I met him I always knew he was different. Not that he was just my mate, but something else, I felt it a lot more when the dark spirt took over him. But there's just something. And I can't seem to figure it out. I don't know if anybody else notices it. I don't know if he sees it himself. But I just know there's more to him. There gotta be. I stop thinking and let my body relax. If I think to much I might wake everyone else up. I slip into sleep. Wondering what's ahead of me tomorrow. I just hope this all wraps up before the full moon. I can feel it, my rut. It's not fully here. But it will be. Every time me heat comes I try to distance myself from the pack. From stiles mainly. I usually hide away and avoid people. Depending on how long the heat is. It can last 5-14 days. Usually depending it's 6-7 days. But not all the time. I can only hope for the best. Even though I am asleep, these thoughts swarm my head. After a while I really stop thinking. Just blankness. The first time I wake up is early in the morning, the pups and stiles are asleep. I squeeze myself out of the little group, taking notice that the pups didn't grow this time, so it really is about pack bonding. Not just sleeping in the same bed. Which is technically pack bonding but it's already something we've done. So we will have to figure out something else to do. But that's just it, what if it's me that's holding them back from growing? I need to open up more. I know that. But it's hard, they mean to much to me, it's easier to push them away than to bring them in. I sigh, I use the bathroom and wash my hands. I wipe my hands on a towel and make my way silently down stairs, how can I be so close to stiles, but yet so far? How can I show love and affection but push him away. I don't understand why this is so hard! I let out a growl of frustration, my hands griping the counter but not enough to break it.
It's hard because you won't let yourself be happy Derek.
I know that.
I stop gripping the counter "papa?" I see little Issac "yeah Izzy? What are you doing up?" He looks down a bit,I sit on my knees in front of him "I-I heard you growl and you smelled angry so I just wanted to come down and see  if you-" he says going quieter by each word "I am okay, I was just going to make us something to eat. What would you like today Izzy?" He looks at me "oh! Ummmmm, well we had pancakes yesterday. As much as I like pancakes I want some waffles!" He says excitedly "okay, waffles sound good, I'll make some bacon with it. But that means, you guys are gonna have to eat something healthy for lunch okay?" He nodded "is there any anyway I can help you.." he asks I shook my head and picked him up spinning him around a bit, he lets out little giggles and I place him on the stool "be careful okay?" He nods with a smile. I smile back at him "you know, I don't know if Iv said this before but, you'd really make a good dad." I hear, I turn and see stiles smiling from the steps, with a bunch of kiddies behind him. I felt a blush creep up the back of my neck. My ears felt heated "whatever" I mumbled and he laughs. I am glad he finds this amusing. Also thinking about why they call us what they do, if they only remember what they remember from that age then why is it that they trust us as they do and call us mom and dad? It could be that their senses hadn't gone away so they still know that we are family.