Reality

Chapter 19

I can't breathe. My heart is beating at an unremarkable speed, but I can't make it stop.

Or maybe I just don't want it to.

I don't know how long we've been sitting here. It could be seconds or minutes.

I wasn't able to think straight. Our lips moved in sync, like one.. and they were so soft.

Is that creepy..?

Shut up, Cathy you're killing the moment. I don't care anyway.

"Catherine!" Carly's voice calls.

I pull away, my eyes closed, desperate for one more second, one last kiss before we stand up.

"Ethan?" Zack calls.

Crap.

Ethan runs his hand through his hair (damn) and stands up, his eyes wide.

"Let's go," he says, holding out his hand.

I took it and wiped the dirt off. "Where to?"

He sighs.

"Back to camp before Zack finds us, obviously," his voice is urgent, like this is a serious problem, and begins to lead me towards the camp.

"Why...? What's-" I begin.

Ethan stops walking and sighs heavily. "Can we just.. Walk?"

I don't respond. Was Ethan angry at Zack? No... they were perfectly fine a few hours ago.

We reach the camp and I turn to Ethan.

"Ethan?"

He doesn't look at me.

"Hey," I say.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles.

Now I'm getting scared.

"For?" I ask.

Ethan shakes his head. "That. It wasn't supposed to happen."

"The interruption or the kiss?" I ask, hoping he says the interruption.

Ethan closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face. "The kiss."

And that's all he says before he walks away.
***
As the teachers struggle to take attendance, I board the bus to go back home.

Thank God, too. The whole thing was ruined.

Liz waves me over to the back so I can sit with her, but I don't know if I should go.

I have two choices. 1: Sit there and act like nothing is wrong and face Ethan or 2: Sit somewhere else and avoid the confusion.

I'll go with 2.

I sit somewhere in the middle, avoiding the strange looks Liz and Matt are giving me.

I put in my headphones, trying to think of a reason for what happened with Ethan, but it just doesn't make any sense...

Did I have like super horrible bad breath? Oh God that's awful...

Did I kiss the wrong way?

No. He said it was a mistake... But then why would he build me up like that only to break me down?

Because you were right about him, he's a player just like you assumed he was. He romanced you, kissed you, and now he's done, My mind told me.

But... A kiss? Most guys want a lot more than that.

I lean my head against the window and sigh.

I notice teachers yelling at kids to board the buses.

I look at the trees, dancing slightly with the cool breeze, but under them are two figures, and they seem to be arguing.

I remove my headphones to see if I can hear anything, but the other students are too loud.

I squint at the figures.

Two tall boys. One blonde...

It's Zack and Ethan. I squint even more, but I think my eyes end up closed.

Ethan turns away from Zack and runs his hands through his hair in what looks like frustration.

He says something to Zack, his teeth gritted, then walks toward the bus.

This bus.

I lower my head as he walks by, then I very inconspicuously look to where he sits, and it's not with his friends. It's a few seats behind mine.

Zack walks by and smirks at Ethan, and Ethan flips him off.

Then the party got a whole lot merrier.

Brittany's head peeked from the bus steps, and she sashays down the rows of seats, planting her slutty self right next to Ethan.

I roll my eyes and put in my headphones again.

This is going to be the longest bus ride ever.
***

I walk off the bus to get my things and call my mom to pick me off since riding with Ethan isn't an option right now.

I bump into someone on my way off.

"Sorry," I mumble, but I keep walking.

"Catherine, wait!"

Shit it's Brittany.

I stop abruptly and take a deep breath. "Yes?" I ask her, with mock politeness.

"I just wanted to know how you're doing, hun," she smirks. "With happened with Ethan and all."

She says that last part slowly. Like how you would stab someone slowly so it's more painful.

My heart breaks into a million tiny pieces. "How...? Who told you?"

Her flawless face morphs into an expression of amusement. "Well, Ethan, duh. I warned you. Me and him, we have a history, dear."

Don't let her get to you Cathy. Don't let her.

"Exactly," I retort. "History. As in like in the ancient past."

Her smirk falters. She has no comeback.

She walks closer to me than she needed to be.

"Ethan used you," she throws the words at me. "He needed a distraction and you were just lucky it was you, but it's over, Catherine. You were a mistake."

She got to me. Bad.

"Well then maybe you weren't enough for him either, if he looked for someone else." I say.

I walked away without another word, my eyes stinging.

"It was an act!" Brittany calls out.

I'm about to go back and slap that smirk off her face, but Liz stops me.

She shakes her head at me, her expression tired.

"Let me go," I say through gritted teeth.

"She's not worth it, just breathe, chew some gum, but calm down."

I close my eyes.

"Why did Ethan say that?" I ask Liz, my voice barely a whisper.

"I don't know, Cathy. But I do know that he wasn't pretending. It was all but an act. I'd never seen Ethan like that, you changed him. He needs you."

"He said our kiss was a mistake."

Liz hugs me. "Talk to him."

Then she walks off to Matt, and I stand amid so many people, yet alone.