When We Collide

Giving it Space

I haven't heard from Eli since yesterday afternoon. No messages, and he never came over to check on me as promised. I make dinner for one and stare blankly at the flashing TV screen in front of me. After cleaning up dinner I decide to call it a night and head to bed. I slip on my favorite silk night gown, and if feels gentle against my still sensitive skin. I crawl in bed and the warmth of my sheets envelope me. Before I can get comfortable I hear the front door open and close, a few seconds later I hear a loud bang. "Shit.." someone mutters. "Eli?" I call out shakily. I make my way to the living room to see Eli wincing and clutching his knee in obvious pain. "what on earth did you do?" I muster out between giggles. "I ran into the coffee table. I'm not used to it being so dark in here. Were you in bed?" I laugh once more as Eli continues to hop on one foot clutching his other leg in his hands. "Yeah, I was bored so I decided to go to bed early. Where were you today"? Eli drops his leg and puts his hands on his hips and winces, "I'm just trying to give you space Olive. You're going through a lot right now and maybe having some quiet time will help you reflect about what's happened the past two weeks" His words feel like a brick sank in my stomach, and as much as I hate them he's right. "I'm honestly pretty afraid to be alone Eli. I'm so scared I'm going to continue beating myself up for all of this, continuing to blame myself for Sarah. Her parents won't even talk to me, is it really my fault"? Hot tears begin to slowly fall down my cheeks as the weight of the situation falls on my shoulders. I wish this was just some horrible dream that I would wake up from any second now, but then I wouldn't have Eli and I've grown quite fond of him.
    Eli takes three big steps and wraps his arms around me running his hand through my hair and rubbing my back with the other. "It's not your fault Olivia. You tried to save her, you did all that you could do. And you didn't cause the accident. We can't understand why things happen the way they do, or why we lose people when we do; but you gotta start believing there's a reason this happened. Some greater reason, it's the only way to make it out. I know it for a fact." Another small clue to the mysterious past of Eli. I look up at him and squint my eyes searching for some sort of answer in his eyes. "What"? is all he mutters out. I give him a small smile and say, "I'm just wondering what's happened in your life to make you such an expert on this type of stuff." Eli gives me a very weak half-hearted smile, "I'll tell you one day Olive, I'm not sure I'm ready just yet." He squeezes me tight before letting me go and walking to the couch and plopping down and picking up the TV remote, "Now how about a movie"? And just like that mysterious Eli is gone.
   He kept a safe distance from me on the couch. He sat at one end and I sat at the other with my knees pulled to my chest. I don't really know what movie we decided on, nothing really holds my interest anymore. I just end up sitting there staring blankly at the TV. "Hey.." Eli says softly with a little concern showing in his voice. "You alright"? he grabs my hand and strokes it softly with his thumb. "Yeah I'm fine. This movie sucks." Eli sighs and turns the TV off. "You haven't been watching it the entire time it's been on. What's up?" "I don't know I just don't feel like watching TV anymore. It's boring." Eli looks me over slowly and shakes his head at me. "We're going out this weekend. You need to get out of this house and do something fun." "Whatever you say Eli, I'm gonna head to bed. You can crash on the couch or join me. Your choice." I don't wait for a response I just walk off into my bedroom and shut out the light. I don't need him, but sleeping with him definitely keeps the nightmares at bay. I lay there waiting, no hoping for him to show up but he doesn't. I toss and turn for what seems like hours as sleep once again evades me. I guess I'd rather not sleep than to have those horrible nightmares. The clock ticks by slowly as morning approaches and still no Eli. I'm not even sure if he stayed the night. A lump forms in my throat at the thought of me possibly having scared him off. I get up and make my way to the kitchen preparing to make coffee and there lies Eli sound asleep on the couch. I grab the blanket folded neatly on the rocking chair and cover him up, placing a chaste kiss on his forehead before heading to the kitchen.
   He didn't join me in bed, but he also didn't leave. That has to mean something.