Fierce

Chapter 6- Chivalry isn't dead

Song:  Video Games- Lana Del Rey

Chapter 6- Chivalry Isn't Dead

Was I angry? Sad? Annoyed? How would I describe it? My heart was filled with anger. I was mad.

I quickly snatched the paper from his hands, as my breathing got heavier by the second. "Mrs. Clyde, may I use the bathroom?" I asked her, trying to sound as calm as possible. I didn't want to trigger the class's attention nor wanted to appear vulnerable. Enough weakness. I'm not that kind of person. According to my therapist, I like to "suffer in silence". Well, he's not wrong, is he?

Once I got out, I let a heavy sigh. My hands started shaking, and pounds of blood rushed in my ears. I felt my heart thudding violently in my chest as if it was suddenly going to explode. My vision disfigured and everything started feeling blurry. I sat on the floor, my hands on the top of my head, violently grabbing my hair. Slowly, I was zoning out of reality, and all I could hear was these two sentences. Two phrases that were always repeating themselves like a never-ending cassette tape: 'I'll always love you' and 'Mateo'.

Mateo.

Mateo.

Mateo.

It was becoming unbearable; hectic. A significant lump formed itself within the cavity of my throat and it was frenetic. This numbing sensation that spread across my skin like wildfire, soon I was begging for oxygen. The air was so close yet so far away. I wish this feeling could go away, even if it's just for a day. It was always there, there to haunt me, there to remind me that it could have been me instead. His voice was echoing and twitching in the corners of my skull and would never go away.

Inhale, exhale. I repeated.

Inhale, exhale.

Inhale, exhale.

I cannot let this happen anymore. After I calmed down, I stood up and looked that bitch in the mirror, as I adjusted my hair and splashed my face with cold water. I realized I was once again the victim of my panic attacks. Well, what did I expect? I refuse to take my meds. I don't need them anyway. Now if Abi was here she would start screaming at me, having her telling me that I'm an idiot. Lucky for me, she was in class. And I was about to go back too.

Before entering class, I adjusted my posture and took a deep breath, plastering a fake-ish kind of smile on my face.

No one suspects a thing. I told myself.

I opened the door and all the students' attention switched to me for a second, before I silently sat down near my teammates. "Welcome back" Abi sarcastically stated. "When you weren't here, Mrs. Clyde explained what we shall do. First of all, she divided our class into two sections. Our team is supposed to generate bioelectric waves into this guinea pig's body. In fact, some scientists think bioelectricity might be the cure to cancer. She wants us to diagnose those two, male and female guinea pigs with cancer, using electrodes in both the vagina and the pubis of the mammals" Abi explained. Needless to say that I knew all of this?

"Thank you, Abi for repeating" I added, trying not to sound like a pretentious piece of crap. "Does someone know what are we supposed to do?" Manuel asked. I lifted my eyes to see him, as I laid my weight on the counter, examining the material we disposed of. "First of all, we're gonna need someone very meticulous to insert the electrode in the female's vaginal canal and the male's pubis. These will allow us to measure the electrical voltage gradient between the cervix and the ventral abdominal wall. If we detect a marked change in this gradient, we'll perform a laparotomy to validate our hypotheses." I briefly explained the process.

Care to know where I know all of this from? Blame it on my dad who made me take neuroscience courses at Harvard last summer.

"Holy fuck! Who are you sis, Einstein?" Vera asked, surprise filling her eyes. "She's just a pretentious rich bimbo whose daddy made take courses in advanced biology or some shit," Kyle added. Damn can't he shut his bloody mouth for a second? "Advanced neurology" I corrected the jackass, adding no more. I won't drop to his pathetic level of lameness.

"Who's gonna insert the electrode?" I asked my team. "I volunteer!" Abi exclaimed. Even though she may appear a bit messy, when it comes to surgery and serious stuff, she's a perfectionist. "I volunteer too!" Jordan stuttered.

We all sat in a circle around the two surgeons, watching them meticulously do their job. I glanced at my teammates who were intrigued by the process, and to Mrs. Clyde whose mouth curved into a proud, discreet smile.

Abi elegantly manipulated the tools, and Jordan was following her steps. I mean, it wasn't easy for a first class!

"We're done," Jordan said. A sort of relief was visible on my teammates' faces. We did surgery! A freaking surgery that surgeons do after 7 years of med school! Can we thank our families enough for signing us in summer university courses?

"Great" I replied as I let out a brief sigh of relief. "Scarlett, what should we do next?" Vera Thompson asked.

"So, to get a voltage gradient measurement, we should divide the voltage reading taken by the probe electrode separation distance. Using the probe with an electrode separation distance of 1.1cm and a reading of 1.63 V results in a voltage gradient of 1.48 V/cm" I looked at my teammates to make sure that they understood. But all I saw was empty eyes and open mouths. What was I speaking? Gibberish? I glanced at Abi, who was nodding, then to Kyle that was silent. He gave off a strange vibe that he knew all of this. He knew it, I was sure, but he wouldn't say. "Kyle, will you help me with the laparotomy?" I smugly asked. "If you don't mind" he snorted, a smirk plastering itself on his mouth. His smirk was HOT, even though it made me want to punch his face.

"After you, your majesty," he said as he cleared the path and sarcastically bowed to me. "As you should." I ironically answered. I love intimidating this guy. "See, chivalry's not dead" he proceeded to say, as I rolled my eyes annoyingly.

I had a deep breath before I wore my surgical mask and sterilized my hands to wear the gloves. "May God be with us" I sighed before proceeding to the first step. "Now we're going to use the scalpel in order to incise the skin in the midline," I stated. He held the guinea pig as I slowly used the scalpel cutting the skin. Manuel, who looked terrified, scrunched his nose and removed his glasses to rub his eyes and then looked away. It was just a tiny incision! Then I averted my attention to Abi, who seemed captivated by the surgery, and to Jordan, whose face was showing distaste.

When I was done with the incision, I looked at Kyle who showed almost no facial expressions. How could someone be that neutral in everything he does? He was such a hard person to interpret through body language.

"We should cut through the subcutaneous tissue now. Here it is" I stated as I pointed at its location." I handed him the scalpel and he nodded his head to agree. He was quick to learn, might I say, he made the incision with such precision and perfectionism. The way he slid the scalpel through the guinea pig's body gracefully, it wasn't his first time. I was so absorbed into analyzing his work that I almost forgot where we were, in the middle of a surgery. I have this bad thing I do: I tend to overwork myself and overanalyze everything. My grip loosened as a chain of thoughts spun inside my brain and the number of questions in my head was becoming frightening: Who is this guy? Why is he so mysterious? Why is he so silent yet so loud? I'll have to figure this out. I was losing track of time and getting sucked into a hole of overthinking when my best friend's voice abruptly cut the string of thoughts like sharp scissors. "Scarlett!" she exclaimed. And I looked at Kyle who has perfectly done with the second step of our celiotomy.

We continued our work, silently. And may I say: the surgery was done and our guinea pig was successfully diagnosed with cancer. "And our pig, unfortunately, has cancer." I raised my voice so everyone could hear.

We removed our masks and gloves and respectively threw them into the trash can, him eyeing me through the whole thing. I raised my eyes to see my classmates, looking at us as the chattering grew and everyone, including Mrs. Clyde, clapped for us in recognition of our work. I love it!