behind blue eyes

Self esteem

She had just woken up,today felt different,standing in the mirror and staring at herself,but it felt the longer she looked the more she hated.
She took a deep breath and tried to shove the thoughts away,hoping it would all just pass.
She had always struggled with her image,grabbing her stomach and squeezing at what fat was left on her body,hating it and the way it looked,wishing it would just disappear.
Eventually she made her way back to her room,not having much to do at all she sat on her bed,texting Sherlock. "Today feels like hell." She texted,sighing deeply. "You wanna come up here? John isn't home but I can do my best to be decent company."  He wrote back,and she smiled,sighing and standing to get dressed. "Sure,be over soon." She texted,before throwing on a grey sweater and jeans,just doing her hair before grabbing her phone and keys and leaving her flat,heading upstairs.
"It's me." She said as she knocked on sherlocks flat door. "Come in." She heard him say,and she walked in,closing the door behind her and taking a seat in the living room,smiling a little at Sherlock. "So what's wrong?" He asked,leaning forward in his chair and looking into her eyes. "A-a lot." She muttered,putting her face in her hands,her smile fading quickly,obviously forced.
Sherlock put his hand out. "Can I see your arms?" He asked,and she felt herself go cold,hating her scars,and knowing the fresher ones hadn't healed fully it terrified her,but she had to trust someone before she did something stupid. "O-okay.." she stuttered,holding her arms out to him.
Sherlock roller her sleeves up carefully and slowly,thankful to see no extremely fresh marks.
"I'm glad you haven't done anything as of to recently,your showing definite signs of improvement especially since I first saw you when you were just moving in,you were basically a timid fly,now your more confident in yourself and your abilities,you seem to have more better days and you use your voice more,your doing good." Sherlock said,giving his best warm smile. "Thank you,Sherlock,I really appreciate that." She said,feeling better about herself,having been not many people ever told her anything decent about herself,and she stood for a moment,and so did Sherlock thinking he did something wrong.
Only to be met by Karmin arms around him,hugging him gently,her figure still frail.
He assumed she had been trying to eat more though,because she had gained a little,and he hugged her back carefully,not wanting to hurt her.
Sherlock had become like an older brother to Karmin,they got along surprisingly well and Sherlock seemed to think the same,occasionally referring to her as sister if not by her name,which made Karmin feel great,knowing that someone cared about her enough to consider her family.
Eventually Karmin pulled back and sat back down,and for only the second time since she'd met the tall dark haired man she saw a genuine smile. "Tea or coffee?" He asked,standing to go to the kitchen to grab himself a cuppa. She smiled. "Coffee would be lovely." She said. "So where's John?" She asked,wondering for herself where the sandy haired man had been. "He finally got that job at the hospital,the shifts are long and he won't be home for a good while,so I guess I'll end up eating take out and trying to find a case while he's away."  Sherlock said from the kitchen over the noise of the coffee maker and the kettle. "If you want I can stay and make dinner for us tonight,this way you don't have to eat crappy take out,I'll even help you with cases if you want." She said,standing up and walking to the kitchen to talk to him face to face,surprised when she saw a slightly shocked Sherlock. "If you would like to sister,that,doesn't sound horrible." Sherlock said with a smile,handing her the coffee he had made. "It might be best if you add the extras,I don't know how you like it yet." He said,going over to the counter to put a bit of milk in his tea.
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(A/N:People do this I learned this from my one and only Brit bestie and he likes it,so I figured I'd add that little tidbit.)
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It felt like they sat watching crap Telly and talking for hours, but eventually she pulled her phone from her pocket and saw the time. '7:39pm'.
"Sherlock wanna come with me to the store? This way we can get stuff for dinner?" She asked,looking at the man who had been sucked into his show,eventually he shook his head and looked at her. "Pardon? Sorry." He said,an embarrassed look on his face. "It's fine,would you like to come to the shop with me to get food to make for dinner?" She asked,chuckling.
Sherlock nodded,smiling and standing up so he could grab his coat. "Well what you like for dinner?" Karmin asked as she stood as well,looking at him. "Whatever you wanna make." He said,shrugging.
She had an idea,nodding and leaving the flat with him,walking to the shop and entering,shivering a little as the felt the air conditioner above the door blow on her.
She walked with Sherlock through the store,grabbing what she needed for beef stroganoff,looking up at Sherlock who was looking around like he was lost.
She chuckled to herself and went to grab the things to make some cookies for him and John,going to self checkout to avoid to many people and left quickly,Sherlock following close behind with a few bags in his hands.
Once they got back they went back to Karmin's apartment instead,being she knew her kitchen better she set everything out and began to work,Sherlock watching from afar before softly saying. "Do you need help?" And she smiled. "Sure! Come over here and cut this for me please,carefully." She said,going to the other counter and working on the rest of what she was making,eventually letting him make the cookies so he didn't struggle to much.
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-Time skip-
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After hours of cooking and baking they had finished everything,and she set two bowls down on the table,nodding to Sherlock to let him know he could eat,being she was still pulling the last of the cookies out of the oven and cleaning up,but she eventually sat down and began to eat too,seeing an obvious look of relief on sherlocks face.
She knew he worried,and she appreciated it but felt horrible that she worried him. "How is it?" She asked,looking at him. "It's honestly really good! I'd never had it before now." He said,taking another bite and looking back down at his bowl,and she smiled brightly. "I'm glad you like it!" She said. "The cookies are on the counter after you finish." She said,nodding towards the plate of cookies next to the stove. He smiled and nodded,before hearing his phone bing. "Hey Sherl where are you? I got off early,lily came in and took over." John texted,which Sherlock was reading aloud. "Down with Karmin in her flat,she made us dinner and cookies!" Sherlock texted back,obviously very excited about the cookies,and not long after he sent the text there was a knock at the door,and she went to get it,opening the door to a tired but happy looking John.
She invited him in,walking with him into the kitchen,smiling warmly as Sherlock stood and wrapped his arms around the smaller man.
She made John a bowl and set it down on the table aside Sherlock,John took a seat and began to eat,looking at her with shock. "How the hell is it so good?" He asked,looking confusedly at her,and she assumed they just hadn't had home cooked meals in forever. "Your boyfriend over here helped a lot." She said with a chuckle,and the three spent the rest of the night laughing and talking until eventually they left and she cleaned up,heading to bed and drifting off comfortably.
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A/N: sorry this chapter took so long to get out it was super long and I wanted to make sure that it was easy to read,hope you guys enjoyed!