Heart of a Berserker: Faith (School of Dragons)

Chapter 20

"Nothing I have ever known has made me feel this way
Nothing I have ever seen has made me wanna stay
But here I am, ready for you
I'm torn, and I'm fallin'
I hear my home callin'
Hey, I've never felt something so strong
It's like nothing I've ever known
It's like nothing I've ever known" 

- "Nothing I've Ever Known" by Bryan Adams

Chapter 20

Harald stood a couple of feet away from me, gazing at me in adoration. No one else seemed to be around, but then again, I would not have noticed anyone but him. I waited with baited breath to hear what he had to tell me. "I love you," he said at last, tenderness in his voice.

My heart leapt for joy at his declaration. My first instinct was to say it back to him, but I held off. I could not make it so easy. There was still much that needed to be discussed. "I'm glad you finally admit it."

Harald smiled. "I wanted to tell you so many times. I do not know if I was more afraid that I would hurt you more if I had to take it back or if you would believe me and make it impossible for me to ever claim otherwise."

"You told me once, back before I knew everything. Then you said it was a lie." Why had I believed him? I should have trusted him.

"Which was the real lie. It was a risk to say it at all, but I thought if I said it once, I could forget about it." He paused. "I was wrong."

"Wow, I never thought I'd hear you say that!" I teased.

Harald smirked. "Don't get used to it. Anyway, you want to know the truth, and I'm finally ready to give it to you. Will you listen?"

I looked at him in surprise. "Yes, of course." I did not have to question if he would really tell me the truth; I could see the sincerity on his face. And for once, he appeared perfectly at ease.

Harald took a moment to collect his thoughts before beginning. "You really made a mess of everything, you know?"

I blinked. "Uh... no?"

"I was perfectly fine living my life the way I thought I wanted. I had a brilliant plan that would secure my future... And it all unraveled when I met you. I know you think I was in control the entire time, but that was a desperate illusion that only worked as long as you believed it. It's a good thing I know how to craft the image I want."

I frowned. "I don't understand. You're the one who messed up everything. You intruded into my life, not the other way around."

Harald gave me a wry smile. "That is what I wanted you to believe. In truth, I was drawn to you from the beginning because you are the only person who has seen through my illusions right from the start. You knew I was acting, and you didn't like it. I could not deceive you using lies like normal; I had to use the truth. The more I showed you my real self, the more I liked it... and you."

"Hold on..." My mind raced as I scanned through the memories. "Are you saying it was all real?"

Harald nodded. "It was more real than anything else in my life. When we were together, I only lied about my occupation and intentions for the future. Everything else was true. It was a great relief to not have to pretend and put up a front. I had never felt more like myself. The hardest thing I ever had to do was follow through on my plan and betray all of you. I feared you would see through my deception when I denied my feelings for you, but you believed me. I figured out I could use your fear and self-doubt against you."

"I was afraid," I admitted quietly. "Up until now, I was afraid to believe you loved me. I didn't want to be wrong."

"And that is what allowed me to succeed. Not that it was easy. You are difficult to trick, and I had to fight myself to do it because it went against all my instincts."