Falling for the wrong guy

Chapter 2

For the rest of that week each night I lay awake. I wasn't entirely sure what I could't stop thinking about. It could have been Jake, Matt, John, the movie or school. All I knew was that it wasn't something silly that didn't matter.
Every time I woke up, well I never really woke up because I never went to sleep and you have to have been asleep to have woken up right? Well when I got up I wasn't hungry for breakfast and I was never as exited for Jake to come and knock on the door the same way he always did. I thought I might be ill and thats what dad thought too. But, my older brother kept on telling me that it was because I was so in love with Jake. My brother always went on about me and Jake and dad said it was just because he didn't have a girlfriend yet and he was jealous, but that never stopped me believing him. This time I wanted to agree, but I couldn't, if that was the case I would be looking forward to walking to school with him but, for me I could't think of anything worse.
If I liked or not Jake still came and knocked on the door. Our walk to school was really different to usual, Jake barely said a word. Also he insisted that we should walk the quick way otherwise we would be late, and thats not like Jake. His excuse was that he had a maths test and he had to get in early to revise but it wasn't hard to tell that he was lying. He didn't even have maths that day and Matt, who is in all of Jakes lessons, had told me that all their tests were over and done with. I was a bit worried about Jake but I thought that if it was anything he would tell me.
On the Friday I didn't see Jake at lunch like normal so I ate with Matt and John. But that didn't go very well at all, I must have been acting weird because Matt kept asking if I was okay and I replied every time:
"I'm fine."
It was nice to know he was concerned but I didn't think he would be the best person to talk to about Jake.Also it would have been in front of John and he was driving me crazy. I think Matt got a bit bored of me as he ate really quickly, I got the impression that he didn't enjoy my company. Matt soon finished but didn't leave like I was expecting him too. John also finished so he left, I got nervous the because it meant I was alone with Matt.
"Your done Mathew, Matt, sorry I didn't mean to sound rude, it's just, you can go, you don't have to wait for me." That came out totally wrong and I ended up sounding like a total idiot.
"Mathew," he muttered under is breath. "I like it, call me Mathew. Also all I wanted to say is don't worry about John, just ignore him yeah." he said as he left.
I had totally messed up and I couldn't understand why I got so nervous. I just sat there for a bit feeling quite humiliated from what I had just said to Matt. What if he told Jake and Jake broke up with me or he told everyone and they all were laughing at it behind my back.
I wanted to think that I was over thinking it all and it was no big deal. I was pretty sure Matt wouldn't say anything to Jake or anyone else. But I still couldn't stop thinking about it until I realised I'd just been sat there for 20minutes and Matt came over to tell me that next lesson was about to start. This made me feel even more embarrassed, it just wasn't going well that day.
I walked home with Jake as usual but he was more chatty than that morning and I think he realised something was up with me. He told me that he would take me out to the cinema like the other night to apologise for him not being able to make it.
I then realised I hadn't asked or even thought about why Jake couldn't come the other night so I asked him.
"Jake, I forgot to ask you, why couldn't you take me out to the cinema the other night?" I asked.
"When, sorry?" he mumbled.
"You know when you said you were busy, what where you doing?"
"Well just school stuff you know, for that maths exam I had."
"Oh, ok. How did it go? Do you think you did alright?"
"Yh it went great."
I knew Jake was lying again because he didn't have any tests. Jake had lied again, even though we promised before we got together that we would always tell each other everything good or bad. I had never lied to him, I told him everything.
I wanted to tell him that I knew he was making it up and that he promised he would tell me everything. I wanted to ask him what he really was doing. I wanted to know why he was lying. But, most of all I wanted to tell him he could tell me anything and I'd promise I wouldn't be angry. For some reason I didn't think that would go well so I avoided those questions.
When I got home I went straight to my room and started my homework, anything to get my mind off Jake. It didn't take me long to realise that there was nothing that could take my mind off him. I tried to watch TV but that didn't work, I listened to music but all I could hear was Jake's name. Nothing could take my mind off him. So, I had to face it, there was no point in trying to forget when I knew I simply could not. I decided to ring him. I was so nervous as I hadn't planned what I was going to say and I could barely remember why I thought it was a good idea. I realised it was the worst idea I could possibly think of, that was after he picked up.

I had it in me to just cut him off but I thought that it wouldn't make it any better. I was always told if you run from your problems then they only get worse. Well, thats what my mum used to tell me. Even though she wasn't here anymore I still thought of her every day.
That was how me and Jake got together we met at this therapy place my dad sent me to, Jake had lost his mum too. I remember Jake was the only reason I ever went. The first time I saw him I didn't realise he was from my school but he came and spoke to me because he had recognised me. And it went from there, I found going and spending time with Jake really helped me forget what was going on at home. It was a place I didn't have to worry about anything. A place I felt safe.
Then he soon became more than just a friend. I always loved him but it took me a while to realise what that actually ment.