Falling for the wrong guy

Chapter 6

Monday mornings just get worse every time.
Alarm goes off so you slap the snooze button and fall back asleep, then when your alarm goes off for the second time you know you actually have to get up.
I learnt to not have a song as my alarm as it completely ruins the song. It means every time you listen to it normally all you can think of is the horrible sound that wakes you up from your dreams, everyday.
Getting up was all a blur but I found myself dressed and downstairs with my breakfast in front of me so that was good enough. I finished my cereal and got my shoes and coat on and grabbed my ear plugs as I left (I figured it was going to be an awkward walk).

The morning after me and Jake have gone out is always really awkward. Its like there is nothing to say, we had told each other everything before.

So I slot in my ear plugs and put some music on my phone.
"How are you?"
"I'm ok" I turn the volume down.
Today its mega awkward, I don't know why but its like there is smoke in the air that is getting stuck down my throat and preventing me from saying anything.

That was the only conversation we had the whole way to school, if you can call it a conversation.
We were walking supper slow and ended up being late. We were just by the gate as the bell rang but I had no energy to run. Jake ran ahead and left me behind him.
When I got to my class I convinced my form tutor that my bus was late to avoid a detention. My form tutor was Spanish and her English wasn't too great, she would believe almost anything I said. Most people think its because she cant understand what we are saying but I think she doesn't know how to log anything onto the system.
My dad probably would kill me if I got a detention so its a good job I know how to dodge them.

Walking home with Jake was just as bad only this time we were halfway and I realised that I had left my ear plugs in my locker. We still didn't talk but I was convinced it would be better tomorrow.
I rummaged around my coat pocket for my key then slotted it into the door. I slipped off my shoes and hung up my coat and went to my room.
I figured that one of us would have to break the ice and he wasn't going to anytime soon so, I finished my homework and started to text him.
"Hi x"
"Hi Bella guess what? Xx"
"What?"
"No guess!"
"You are being taken away by a crazy old lady?"
"No!!! Matt is coming over. I thought you guys might want to be friends x"
Great! At least I know that Jake has no idea whats happened, but I am now having to face Matt again. I was lucky enough being able to avoid him all day.
"Jake are you sure Matt wants to come over?"
"Yep!"
I put my phone down and it kept buzzing but I just left it.
I put some jeans on and changed my school blazer and tie for a grey sweater.
I had no idea when Matt was coming over so I just had to wait. I stared at my clock until my eyes were hurting. As every minute went by I just hoped he wouldn't turn up.
I decided to pass time I would tidy my room so I started to clear my desk.

My room was spotless and there still was no sign of Matt, I didn't have his number to ask him if he was even coming, I just had to wait.
I came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to come.
Jake must have been joking or maybe Matt was busy. I went downstairs and put on a movie.

There was a knock at the door and I ran to answer it. I opened the door begging for it not to be him but I knew it was.
"Hi, Bella. Can I come in?"
"Sure I'm just watching a movie....you can watch it with me...if you want? You don't have to-"
"I'd love to."
What was I thinking.
I walked into the living room and he followed behind. I sat down and he sat right next to me.
I glared up from my hands to the TV. In the corner of my eyes I could see him looking at me but I ignored him. I concentrated on the movie.

Spending time with Matt was actually one of my favourite things, it was just the though of it.

Luckily time flew by and soon enough Matt had left. It turns out that I didn't take in any of the movie, I tried to remember what happened but I couldn't. I had just been staring at the TV screen while 1 million different thoughts were circling around in my head.

When I got into bed I knew I wasn't going to be sleeping much. I really just needed to think everything threw. Properly.
No matter how much I spend time with Jake. I just cant help it. And I was going to have to face it now. Id known for so long but I couldn't bare the thought of it.

Matt was more than just my boyfriends best friend and there wasn't much I could do to change that.

People tell you that you don't chose who you fall in love with and that it just happens, well I final realised that. Its true and you have to face it. Thats what I found out. It always looked so easy in the movies and fairytales where you just bump into someone then end up marrying them. If only I could just bump into someone and marry them. That would make things a whole lot easier.

It took me a while but I realised that waiting for something to happen was just pointless and I would be waiting for years, so I figured I needed to do something about it.

I really needed to talk to Matt but it was 5 o'clock in the morning and I had to do this face to face. When it got to 7 I called him and asked him to come over as soon as he could because we both knew that we needed to talk. It wasn't going to be easy. I could barley look him in the eye.
I waited and waited. Pacing up and down my landing.

He was late but he got there eventually. I had my window open so I could just hear his muffled voice muttering to himself. My dad had left for work and he had dropped my brother at football so it was just me.