Every Beat, Every Heartache (COMPLETED)

One

One

"Alexandria," biglang tawag ni daddy sakin kaya tumigil ako sa pag kain at timingin sa kaniya.

"Yes dad?"

Kumpleto kaming nagdi-dinner ngayon which is very unusual for us. My dad's a lawyer while my mom is a doctor. They are well-known for their chosen fields dito sa amin at kahit na sa ibang lugar. Madalas ay wala sila dito sa bahay. Sa sobrang busy nga nila ay parang naklimutan na nilang may tatlo silang anak. O baka naman ako lang talaga ang kinalimutan.

Pangalawa ako sa aming magkakapatid. Babae ang panganay at lalaki naman ang bunso. My sister is taking up medicine and she is now on her second year. That's what my mom wants her to be, ang maging doctor din. I'm still on my last year in senior high while our youngest is only 10 years old.

Before my dad muttered a word, he drank water from his glass and cleared his throat first.

"Your mom and I are expecting you to proceed law after you finish college," seryoso nitong sabi at diretsong nakatingin sakin. Napatingin ako kay mommy hoping she would say something but she didn't, wala lang itong imik habang kumakain.

"But dad-" hindi pa ako tapos magsalita ay pinigilan na ako ni daddy.

"No buts. You'll be taking accountancy or political science once you enter college," mariin niyang sabi. "You are on your last year of senior high, don't waste it," may pinalidad sa boses niya kaya napayuko na lamang ako. Ngunit di ko na mapigilan ang nararamdaman ko. I know they won't allow me but I'd still like to try.

"Dad, I... I don't want to be a lawyer. I want to do arts. I want to paint," napalunok ako sa huling sinabi. I was still looking down but I can imagine what his reaction would be.

Narinig ko namang padarag na binitawan ni mommy ang hawak nitong kubyertos. Mapakla itong napatawa.

"Enough with your nonsense, Alexandria. We will not allow this low ambition of yours," ani mommy.

"Pero mom-" napatigil ako nang si daddy ulit ang nagsalita.

"Whether you like it or not, magla-law ka," ma-awtoridad niyang sabi kaya mas lalo lamang akong napayuko. "Akala mo ba mabubuhay ka ng lintik na pagpipinta na iyan?! Kelan ka ba talaga matututo?!" He was now mad.

"Look at your sister, she's always on top of her class, ni isang subject ay walang mababang grado," si mommy.

Tiningnan ko ang ate ko na tahimik lang din sa pag kain na para bang wala lang itong pakialam habang pinapagalitan ako.

I always thought na baka palagi lang talaga mali yung ginagawa ko kaya palagi akong pinapagalitan. I feel like I'm the black sheep of the family. Kung hindi mali ang ginagawa ko, parati namang kulang para sa kanila.

They often compare me to my sister, Allison. Bata pa lang ay achiever na talaga, mapa-academics man o extra curricular activities. Kung sino mang parents na may ganyang anak ay magiging masaya at wala ng hihilingin pa. She has the looks and the brain.

Siyempre masakit ang maikumpara, lalong lalo na kung sa sarili mo pang kapatid. I get that I'm not that smart nor I don't pass their expectations. It made me feel so useless and not worth giving attention.

But don't get me wrong, I don't hate nor mad at my sister. In fact, proud na proud din ako sa kaniya, sa mga achievements at nararating niya ngayon. Who wouldn't right? Siya kasi yung taong nagsisikap talaga. Yung alam mong puno ng determinasyon sa buhay. Never ko pang narinig na bumaba grades niya or di nakaperfect sa mga quizzes at exams.

You'll never see her going out for parties like normal teenage girls do. Mas madalas pa niyang makasama mga aklat niya.

"When will you ever make us proud?" I heard disappointment dripping from my mom's voice. It was like daggers slowly piercing me.

Pinilit kong huwag umiyak sa harapan nila at baka mas lalo lang akong pagalitan. Kaya nakayuko lang ako buong hapunan at hinintay silang matapos kumain bago ako umalis doon.

Dumiretso kaagad ako sa kwarto ko tsaka pinalis ang mga luhang lumandas na pilit kong itinatago.

Pagkatapos mag half bath at mag toothbrush ay nahiga na kaagad ako sa kama. Kinuha ko na lang ang cellphone ko at naglagay ng earphones sa tenga at nakinig na lang ng mga paborito kong kanta. It made me feel much more better.

Kinuha ko na rin ang sketchpad na nakapatong sa side table.

I don't really have an idea on what I'm going to draw but I guess my hand has a mind of its own. Huli ko na marealize na gumuguhit na pala ako ng pamilyang masayang nagsasalo salo sa ilalim ng malaking buwan at napakaraming bituin. I finished it up with some shadings at ma's pinagtuonan ng pansin ang ibang detalye dito.

Every stroke I make in my drawing is making my heart ache. Kahit sa simple ng pagguguhit lang ay nakakaapekto talaga sakin.

I remembered one time when I was still on grade school when we had a family day. Days before that event ay sinabihan ko na agad sila. But on the day that I was expecting them they didn't even showed up, kahit isa man lang sa kanila.

I was even asked by my teacher kung bakit wala akong kasamang parent or kahit guardian man lang.

Imbes na maenjoy ko iyon ay nakaupo lamang ako sa nakaprepare na table samin habang nakatingin sa mga kaklase kong kasama ang mga parents nila.

And when I went home, I saw them celebrating because my sister won first place in their quiz bee competition, they didn't even dare to ask me questions kung ano nangyari sakin doon sa school. Kaya walang nakapunta sakin sa event sa school. They were busy supporting my sister. I even cried myself to sleep that time wishing that it would ease the pain I was feeling.

And that's when I knew I wasn't really important to them. I was only a liability. Epal at pabigat.

Ano kaya sa pakiramdam na masaya kayong kumakain sa hapag kainan? Kumpleto naman kami kung sinuswerte ngunit hindi naman masaya. I smiled bitterly at that thought.

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A/N: Hiii Mortals!! Here I am again writing another story kahit hindi pa tapos yung isa (But I'll update soon medyo nahihirapan lang kung ano itatype lol) HAHAHA I'd like to say sorry kasi maiksi lang ang first chapter and I don't know if it's good enough. Mej madrama HAHA but I'd like to hear your thoughts and opinions on my new story.