Three Paged

Veggie-Slicer

I wasn't able to finish this one by the way, haha.

I'm not exactly sure why I bought it. It looked funny, I guess.The worst thing about shopping online is that it's a lot harder to show restraint. I don't have time to hold my possible impulsive purchase and really look at it, slowly feel dumb and then guilty before I put it back on the shelf. Online I don't have three kids pulling at my leg and asking me when we can go home. Online I don't have to make eye contact with that salesperson, the one that is no-doubt judging this 30-year-old woman for buying a snow-cone maker, or a flamingo inner tube, or a unicorn novelty margarita cup. Nope. Online I can do whatever I want and no one will stop me.I don't even remember where I saw it, or why I was shopping online. Maybe it was a gift for someone. Who's birthday would be coming up? Was it Mom's, no that was two-weeks ago. Alice's birthday isn't until March. And this definitely wasn't for any of the kids. Well maybe I was-"Mom,"Crap, they found me."What's that?"And they found *it*.I guess just one of the terrors isn't that bad."Nothing you need to be worried about, sweetie. I'm just making dinner. Can you go tell your brothers to come inside?"My words passed over Lizzie as if they were a light breeze, nothing on her face let me know that I was speaking any form of intelligible English. She walked, trance-like, towards my shame baby."Liz, did you hear me. Can you please tell your brothers to come inside?"She stuck her hand out, reaching for... "Oh God, please don't touch that," I said as I moved in between my child and the miniature vegetable guillotine. "It's really sharp, baby. It's only for adults.""But," there were tears welling up in her eyes. I didn't need this right now. "But I wanna touch iiiiiit! Mommmyyyyyyyyyy! Let me he-help youuuuu."Why was she so upset? Because I didn't want her to cut her finger off? Yeah, Okay. That makes perfect sense. I sure love my super-intelligent children. "Aww, Lizzie, it's okay. Shhhh, shhhh. It's alright. Can you please go tell your brothers to come in?"She suddenly jerked out of my arms, "Okay mommy!"I drew out a long sigh of relief as I saw her close the door.I turned back around to face the... thing.The vegetable guillotine, or, as I guess is its proper title, The Novelty Rennaisance Veggie Slicer.Seriously, why did I want to buy this?