A Consulting Detective, Ex Army Doctor, and Child Mercenary Walk Into A Room

Chapter 4: A Scandal in Belgravia

Sherlock, John, and I had just got into a cab. John asks, "Okay - the smoking, how did you know?" "The evidence was right under your nose, John - as ever you see, but you do not observe." "Observe what?" I pull and abject from my caramel colored coat and toss it to John. "The ashtray," I smirked. John laughs at the ashtray in his hands. Then, we're all sniggering like school children.

John's standing in the kitchen. He's looking down the corridor at Sherlock's room, rather impatiently. I was sitting on the sofa, counting at some money I had gathered up. Various items are tossed through Sherlock's open door. A soldier's uniform and a workman's overalls, and a tuxedo joins the pile of clothes outside his door. "Lune, what are you doing?" John asks me. I look up from my money. "I just had a feeling I'll be needing more paint for a project. Needed to cash in a few bets from before." "What are you doing?" John asks Sherlock this time. Sherlock looks down at his police jacket. "I'm going into battle, John. Need the right armor. Nah!" He disappears back into his room, pulling the jacket off.

As soon as Sherlock finished deciding on a suit of armor, we took a cab to our destination. "So what's the plan?" John asks. "We know her address," I said. "So what do we do? Ring the doorbell?" Sherlock leaned forward to the cabbie. "Exactly. Here please." "But you didn't even change your clothes." "Then it's time to add a splash of color" We got out of the cab, with Sherlock leading us to a back alley. "Are we here?" asks John. "Couple of streets away. But this will do." "For what?" I ask. "Punch me in the face, John."

"Punch you?" John asks. "Yes, punch me. In the face, didn't you hear me? I would ask Lune, but we both no, she wouldn't do it." "I always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're speaking. But it's usually subtext," says John. "Oh for God's sake." Smartly and efficiently, Sherlock slaps John round the face. A beat later, John comes tearing back, fists flailing at Sherlock. "Boys!" I shout. John now has Sherlock in a headlock, and the struggle continues. "Okay! I think we're done now," Sherlock groans. "You want to remember, Sherlock, I was a soldier! I killed people!" "You were a doctor!" I shout. "I had bad days!"

As soon as that embarrassing ficaso was over, we headed to Ms. Adler's house. Sherlock rings the doorbell and waits for someone to answer. "Hello?" a lady's voice rings out. Sherlock pulls a face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I've been attacked - I think they took my wallet -please could you help me ..." "I could phone the police, if you want?" Sherlock nods gratefully. "Yes, please, if you could. Do you mind if I just wait out here?" The lady opens the door revealing Sherlock, John, and I. She probably thought it was just Sherlock. "I saw it happen - it's okay, I'm a doctor." Before the lady can stop us, we're through the door.

Sherlock and I sit in a sumptuous and very respectable living room. I'm dabbing at Sherlock's bruise because he's an idiot. A door opens in front of us and I hear a voice. "Hello, sorry to hear you've been hurt. I don't think Kate caught your name." "Yes, sorry, I'm -" and Sherlock just stops. I can see why though. Because Ms. Adler is standing in front of Sherlock and I, entirely naked. Ms. Adler just smiles at him. "Oh it's always so hard to remember an alias when you've had a fright, isn't it?" She steps lightly forward and plucks off his clerical collar. "There now, we're both defrocked - Mr. Sherlock Holmes." Ms. Adler snaps her attention on me. "My, my. I've heard about you, darling. Lune Jennifer Moriarty. Such a pleasure to finally meet you. You're such a beautiful girl too." "Irene Adler, I presume," said Sherlock.

Now she's running a finger along one of his cheekbones. "Look at these cheekbones. I think I could cut my hand slapping your face. Would you like me to try?" With an impish smile, she pops the clerical collar in her mouth, snapping her teeth shut on it just as John enters with stuff to clean up the bruise. "Right then so ..." And he stops dead at what he sees. Sherlock is face to face, with a naked woman, who has his clerical collar in her teeth. " ... okay. Missed something, did I?" Ms. Adler heads over to the other sofa and settles down on it. "Please sit down. If you'd like some tea, I'll call the maid," Ms. Adler offered. "I had some at the palace." "I know." "Clearly." Sherlock and Irene are sitting opposite of each other, burning the air between them with staring.