The Bitch Has Changed

Chapter 19

For extra feels, listen to the song Growing Pain 2 (The Heirs OST) by Cold Cherry. Enjoy reading!

Chapter 19

"LANCE, PLEASE LET'S talk kahit five minutes lang." Pigil ko kay Lance bago pa man ito tuluyang makasakay sa loob ng kotse niya.

Nang makita ko siyang sumakay ng elevator patungo sa basement parking, hindi na ako mapakali noon. Paano kung hindi ko maabutan si Lance, hindi ba? Hindi kakayanin ng konsensya ko na hinayaan ko siyang umalis nang ganoon na lamang.

"Bumalik ka na kina Clifford." Parang walang buhay na wika sa akin ni Lance. Para bang bigla na lamang itong napagod at nag-shutdown, at parang piniga ang puso ko nang makita kong nagkakaganito si Lance.

Akmang bubuksan na ni Lance ang pintuan ng kanyang kotse pero hinila ko siya palayo doon. Nagpatianod na lamang siya na animo ay walang pakialam sa akin o sa kanyang sarili.

"I owe you an explanation, Lance. I was the person who caused you the pain you are feeling right now and I cannot forgive myself for that."

Nakatingin lamang sa akin si Lance na walang kahit na anong ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha. Namumula ang mga mata nito at pisngi, marahil sa pag-iyak niya kanina.

"Pero 'wag mo naman sanang isipin na hindi ka mahalaga para kina Symon. Kaibigan mo sila at wala silang ibang iniisip kundi ang ikabubuti mo."

Doon na nagkaroon ng ekspresyon ang mukha nito. Magkahalong galit at sakit ang nakikita kong ekspresyon ni Lance. "Ikabubuti? Pinagmukha nila akong tanga! Pinagmukha n'yo akong tanga, Luna." Hindi na napigilan ni Lance ang sarili at muli na naman itong lumuha. "Matatanggap ko naman, eh. Kakayanin ko. Ganoon ba talaga ako kahina para sa inyo? Ganoon ba talaga ang tingin n'yo sa akin?"

"This is my fault, Lance," I told him. "It's true that Xavier asked me to help them change you. Pero hindi ibig sabihin noon na dahil lang sa pabor na hiningi sa akin ni Xavier kaya binigyan kita ng pagkakataong ligawan ako, Lance. I really wanted to give you a chance, for you and for myself."

"Kaibigan ko kayo, eh. Pero pakiramdam ko pinaglaruan n'yo lang ako." Umiiyak na sabi ni Lance.

Lance kept on brushing his fingers on his hair exasperatedly. He doesn't know where to fix his attention because I understand that I am also the last person he wanted to see at this moment. I hurt him so badly, and I understand if he will wish not to see me anymore.

"Nagustuhan mo naman ako kahit paano, 'di ba? Hindi naman dahil sa pabor ni Xavier kaya tinanggap mo ako bilang kaibigan mo, 'yung totoo, Luna?"

It breaks me also seeing how I scarred Lance. After this, he might not trust anyone easily. He might not open himself to a new set of friends or he might be scared to fall in love again. And these are all my fault.

"I liked you, Lance. I loved you, but not in the way you want. You have been a good friend to me and I am very thankful to meet you." I tried to smile at him even though my tears continue to pour down. "Noong inawat mo kami ni Scarlett sa pag-aaway namin tsaka noong niyayaya mo ako noon na lumabas kasama n'yo, nakulitan ako sa'yo n'on. Hanggang sa naging kaibigan kita, Lance. Hindi man kita nabigyan ng pagkakataon noong una, masaya ako na nirespeto mo ang desisyon ko. At nang hayaan na kita sa panliligaw mo, sobrang naramdaman ko at na-appreciate ang mga effort mo para lang maipadama sa akin na espesyal ako para sa'yo."

Katulad ko ay tuloy-tuloy lamang ang pagpatak ng mga luha ni Lance. As much as I want to wipe those tears away, I know Lance is so fragile at this moment that even my touch will break him.

"But Scarlett was right, Lance. You deserve someone who could give you her heart, and it's not me because I'm in love with your friend. I don't deserve you, Lance. I don't deserve your efforts, your love, because I can't give them back to you. I am so sorry for hurting you and if you feel that your friends betrayed you. But please, believe me, Lance. Your friends love you so much."