honey [on hold]

1.4 - heartbreak

she had loved when she was seventeen.

the initial contact had been magical. he was hers, and she was his. adoration in the eyes and fondness was the heart. it finally felt that they were where they were meant to be.

some people say, at that age, one was too young to understand love.

they were right.

—

it was strange being the object of someone's love.

it poured out of his mouth like a glass of red wine overflowing. she had savoured it, infinitely, her lips dripping with the bitter taste. he showed it many ways- painting a faint future with each other. gifting a nickname. telling her he'd build her a library, knowing her affinity for books. it was the sweetest thing a boy had ever said to her. 

but like anything that was given too much, it became too profound. at least, for the reciprocator. and it started to leave stains.

just as he pulled her, she pushed him away, and there they were, stuck in a game of tug of war.

she couldn't exactly remember why she ended it.

but she did remember one thing- even though what they had and he himself felt familiar, the whole of it was too foreign. in her eyes, he was still her best friend. transforming that to a more intimate term had been a step she underestimated. and he took it lightly. understood it, in fact. he declared his feelings for it remained true and always will- but that pressure was out of the question. the decision was hers.

those few months without him was a calling.

the flirting didn't cease. the attraction didn't fade. the banter didn't wane. indeed, now it was laced with history, and so the tension was far more agonising. they were best friends who had been more; and the only reason best friends like those stayed best friends was because they had never been any less.

and hence, the girl asked for a second chance. he gave it to her.

but that was the worst mistake she'd ever made.

—

a second chance meant a second take on things- the possibility of seeing things an alternative way. but sometimes also the tragic revelation that things were as transparent as they had been all along.

a second chance was, in fact, the wrong decision to make. like she was finally taking air for the first time after being underwater for so long. all stopped being blurry and muted and all became clear. she was not ready for this step of her life, not ready for her and him, not ready for his passion for that it was too much for her.

one final whisper locked the key.

"i love you more than my family," he confessed.

what an overwhelming amount of love that was.

she did not know how to handle that kind of devotion. and the spark of his love grew and grew until the flames engulfed her.

there he stood, full of dreams and ambition- inspiring her, but to a breaking point. he was more of him than she was of her. and his courage, his boldness, his self-assurance...

-it scared her.

so she ended it once again. 

but this time, all hell broke loose.

it was all wrong. they were saying the wrong words, doing the wrong things. the pain was palpable in his veins that he lashed out to her fast and frenzied, and she only responded the same way she'd been received. they hurt each other because they knew that they could. 

and more mistakes came after that. mistakes under the influence of crystal colours. mistakes she would regret for a long time. mistakes that fuelled the hurt like drowning a bloody wound in a water of salt.

they were everything, and then they were nothing.

all because of her.