honey [on hold]

1.5 - gratitude

at eighteen, love was resting.

six months of silence passed. all the while, the girl was living with guilt and shame. for the hurt she caused to the boy she once adored, for the way she treated him thereafter, for the end that had to be. they were, at this point of time, much closer than before- but still a sea apart.

but finally, she took the first step.

an e-mail of raw emotions and new beginnings sent in a span of a thousand letters. doubt lingered behind her shoulder like a shadow. he wouldn't reply. he wouldn't reply. he wouldn't re-

he replied.

and that began the trade of apologies, of clarity, of freedom of the utmost expression. admissions were voiced like an echo and they were both laid bare, naked with vulnerability of their sentiments. that he, too, did not know how to handle the overwhelming love for her. that she, too, was someone he held so high up on the pedestal that he'd climb for her even in the risk of falling. that he, too, had his own family clashes, and directed all that unrequited love and frustration to her.

they met gratitude, and it welcomed them in open arms.

—

a few reunions and exchanged e-mails later, they became pen pals.

the old best friends dynamic they developed when they were twelve and thirteen resurfaced. it felt like old times again, and the nostalgia floated through the screen like a soft wind in autumn air. 

and honesty gave a soft murmur.

they confessed a hint of the spark still existed between the two but that there was nothing they could do about it. romance did not remain- but the love had been so intense that it still lingered in their hearts, like a stain on a shirt that could never go away. it took time for it to truly fizzle out, because they were young and oh so foolish, but that was the thing about adolescence- you felt everything and anything at once.

it took a year to recover.

all the while, he shared with her his love troubles. she shared with him her father's feuds. he to her, his shattered dreams. she to him, her existential uncertainty of all that was around her.

and the time eventually came when she had to move out to a foreign country to start her gap year. there he was, the best friend she always had- being in every step of the way as a guiding hand on her shoulder as she embraced a new world.

to have a piece of your past keeping you company in your future was a feeling she wouldn't forget. 

no one else was more perfect for it.

—

the time is now, and the now is calm.

long gone were the endless chats and heart-to-hearts. life drifted them away, but not apart- they were on good terms and always would be, but different paths led to different places, and they were not in sync as they used to be anymore.

she left for france, him back in his home country, and now that they were older... they adopted the idea of letting go. the art of having a special place for each other despite the distance.

in the eve of march, she wished him happy birthday. he didn't think she remembered, but she did. he said thank you.

thank you for remembering me, thank you for all that we've been through, thank you for the innocence of our years, thank you for trusting me with your truth.

thank you for being my first love.