Well, That's Just Ria!

4.My Diary

Dear Diary,

What a lovely evening it was! One of the best plays I have ever seen. Mom and her group did a wonderful job. The concept of love was portrayed in a completely new manner. How even, in this modern world there are two people, never saw each other, never touched ever, never had any kind of physical relationship, still can in love by just the essence of each other; by just the feel of each other. You know, that's the kind of love which is worth living for. Not this mushy-mushy teenage love, which lasts two days, where the guy just wants to make out and the girl just wants gifts and flowers! 'It's so stupid, so lame, so kiddish and so ...so shallow! I know, I have no right to speak about it as I basically have no experience with teenage love.

As I have just been dreaming about Harman from the past three years..... Believing him to be the right one - my perfect match. I mean, we have known each other since kindergarten, always been best buddies, I mean had he been a girl, it would have been like having two Mona's around!

He knows me well and I know him in and out. But our friendship would have remained just a friendship.

Then 4yrs ago, Ms. Mona Dua arrived in our class and in my life, just in time when I was started to need a female best friend. (I mean, no offense, guys are really great friends but then there are some things that only a girl can talk with a girl, you know...). Mona and I were instant friends. I had always been at the top of the class, actually on top of everyone's head as well. I rarely had genuine friends except for Harman of course (as he is quite popular himself, you know), but Mona, she was, different from all my friends; in a way, we both compliment each other's personalities. She's fearless like me. She speaks her truth but in a kind manner, unlike my bluntness.

Most of my actions are spontaneous but she's a game planner full of tact and wit. I make it a responsibility of speaking the truth whether it's about me, a friend, a teacher it doesn't matter ' what's right is right, and what's wrong is wrong – and this rule is the same for all'. Whereas Mona no, no she won't do anything to get a spot on her image, for her, it's important to keep herself and her friends safe! Let the world go to hell! That's why she freaks when I get indulged into people's fight and try to sort things out. But that's who I am!

There is one more thing in which we are quite different that is while I am like an open book, she is rather secretive and controlled. Maybe that's what makes her a beautiful writer. She knows how to take a story forward. How to proceed slowly, revealing only what's necessary and gripping your attention to the very end!

I mean, she is not an introvert at all but then likes to keep her feelings and thoughts to herself, all jumbles-mumbled inside her head!

This is one thing which I don't understand, if you'll keep your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions to yourself, if you will not express yourself then how will the other get to know what you are thinking about?

Even with a thousand differences between us, she's the 'best' friend one could have! And she was the one who made me realize that Harman had this 'big-big' crush on me which I had failed to realize in all these years!

Like the guy use to carry my books to school, helps me wash Zoe (my sweet little Pom), came to me and asks me to explain history question-answers when he himself is a history-freak! He even made bracelets and caught butterflies with me!

We have chatted for long, long hours... About the strange things which happen in life, about Greek Gods and Goddess, about the moon and love... we have spent summer lights glued to the phone because I was scared that something under my bed.

But it never ever struck me that maybe, maybe Harman has feelings for me, or was more than a friend till the date Mona screamed at me on the phone and asked me to open my eyes. And let me tell you, from that day till today whenever I have closed my eyes again, I've seen him! Again and again!

Every time our eyes meet during the class, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Every time our hands touch, I feel the electricity flowing through me. Every time he smiles at me, my heart starts beating faster.

I know, it's quite filmy but then my life has always been full of drama, you see when you are a girl with a 'Family' like mine, this is the least to be expected!

But I still have doubts, maybe that's why even after Mona's persistent efforts I haven't been able to, you know, I mean, haven't been able to disclose my feelings to Harman.

You know, my heart understands and accepts everything but my mind every time questions me that 'why didn't I have those feeling, earlier uh? Why did I always take Harman as my best buddy and why do I get so frustrated when somebody pairs us?' It's something that really disturbs me.

After 3yrs of crushing on him and dreaming of him, I am still not sure whether I actually love him or not? You know, I still look around at some guys and find them attractive. Is this supposed to happen when you are in love? Yeah, I don't know how many girls at the age of 16 looks for 'love' but I do. I mean, casual everyday crushes are something different but when I move into something serious, something intensive, I want something is like, forever and always, till death do us apart.

Although, Mona doesn't have any doubts about us, she says, we are a perfect match, with similar likes and dislikes - we are 100% compatible! But I still have doubts, I am just not sure. Though Mona says I am just scared. I don't think I am; whom I'll be scared of Harman? Of all the people!

It's just that, I find that kind of puppy love really stupid and I don't wanna lose my friendship with Harman for just silly infatuation.

And it's not that I am looking for a relationship or something; like I have other things like the student council elections( by the way they start in a few months, I am so excited! I think I'll be nominated for the post of 'Head Girl', can you believe it!) Then I wanted to do a social work project about stray animals, every since Zoe has come into my life, I have found a new person in me, an animal lover, so that's a pending project which I wanna start as soon as possible and then there is this Herbal Garden which I and Vijender Uncle have to make....so as you see I am a busy person ......but then Harman's feelings are becoming more and more prominent ...and ...now it depends upon me.

Whatever, it's just too late and I don't wanna spend the whole night getting stressed! On top of it, I have this big debate tomorrow!

That's all for now!

Ciao!