EARLY SUNSETS

02 .i tasted apocalypse and i needed more.

Somehow Mikey convinced Gerard to hang out with him and his friends again. 'Where are we going?' Gerard asked, getting in his car. The last time his brother convinced him to go with him, he'd end up giving a guy a blow job, and he was still embarrassed to run into him, so he'd avoided all parties.

Mikey started the car, and then said. 'Frank's band has a show.'

'Frank?' Gerard got nervous immediately, and wasn't doing a good job of hiding it.

'Yeah. You've probably seen him around. Short dude, dreads.'

Gerard played dumb, and just looked outside the window. Fuck.

The venue where they were playing was a smelly bar in downtown, if that even qualified as bar. If it wasn't for the music blasting, Gerard thought it was abandoned. There was barely any light, and barely anyone in the audience. And yet, as soon as they came in, the vibe from the band was as if they were playing for hundreds of kids. Pencey Prep, Mikey said the band was called.

And there he was. Frank. Yelling at the top of his lungs, moving around, and playing with his entire body. It was hypnotizing. It was a good thing Frank was too focused playing and couldn't see Gerard watching.

Mikey's friends met them by the bar, and by the time the band finished playing, Gerard was already drunk. He wasn't ready to face him. Not after what they did, not after leaving him in the bathroom with no explanation whatsoever. He really thought for a moment they'd never see each other again, and that's why he did it. Also, he was very drunk and high.

He managed to avoid Frank as much as possible while they were there, except for those two couple times they made eye contact. Frank had seen him, and he looked either hurt or angry or embarrassed, he couldn't tell. He chose to think embarrassed, for his own sake. That was how he felt, so it made him feel a little better.

But then, after the show, they had another party at someone's apartment, and Mikey didn't take no for an answer so he had no choice. Gerard tried to play dumb again, and stayed in the kitchen, drinking, sitting by himself.

And obviously, at one point Frank walked in and saw him. 'Hey,' he said and just gave him a nod, as if nothing happened between them. He took a beer from the fridge, and then turned to Gerard. 'You wanna go smoke outside.'

Gerard was so drunk he didn't even think twice about it, and nodded. Once outside, Frank handed him a cigarette, and helped him to light it. They leaned against a brick wall behind the building, facing an empty community pool. 'I –,' Frank started, most likely about to ask him about what happened in that last party, two weeks before. But Gerard was so nervous, and the last thing he wanted was to talk. He didn't want to have to explain that he couldn't stop thinking about that night. That even though he was under the influence, he did want to do it, and he enjoyed every bit of it. He didn't want to explain the possibilities or find an explanation. Instead, he just turned around to face him, and put his lips on Frank's. Pushing his tongue inside so he couldn't say a word. He bit his lower lip, making him moan, and then moved to his neck, while his hand explored under his pants.

Frank didn't say anything. All that came out of his mouth were loud moans, that nobody could hear because of the even louder music.

*

Every weekend, there was at least show from some band from Eyeball, followed by a house party. And Gerard went to every single one, and him and Frank would spend the night drinking, flirting, and making out at every single one of them.

They didn't talk much, though. Neither of them wanted to make it more complicated by talking about what was happening. They went straight to the point. Looks from across the room while they talked to someone else, little nods. Inside jokes. And then, they'd end up making out in the kitchen, or the couch, or outside. In front of everyone. Maybe locked in the bathroom giving each other blowjobs. They both seemed to understand that they didn't want to get any further than that. Not at the moment, at least.

'Hey, you,' Gerard said walking in the kitchen to grab a beer, and looking for Frank, obviously. That was the only reason he got out of the house.

'Hey, you.' They pressed their lips together right away. No one even batted an eye. It wasn't the first time they saw Frank making out with dudes, and it was certainly not the first time there were dudes kissing in the middle of the kitchen. But now Frank's hands were pulling Gerard's shirt and going all the way up his back, so Gerard had to take him straight to the bathroom, and went down on him. He had to stop himself from getting any further, so he helped Frank with his pants, and told him he needed a cigarette.

Frank found him outside in the porch, and sat next to him. Without saying a word, Gerard passed him the cigarette and he took a drag. After a long, and sort of uncomfortable silence, Frank finally turned to Gerard. 'What are we exactly?'

Gerard pretended not to hear, but Frank's eyes were on him. 'I don't know. What do you mean?'

'You know what I mean. We're not even fuck buddies, we haven't fucked.'

Gerard shrugged. He made a long pause, and threw away the last of the cigarette. 'Look – I don't know how to do this. I'm not exactly out.'

Frank nodded. Other than his bandmates and friends, nobody else knew about him kissing guys. So he understood. 'I just – I just wanna know before I get excited –'

There was a long silence, before Gerard said something. 'Listen, you wanna go to my place and watch a movie or something?'

Frank's face lit right up, and he nodded.