Tattoos

Chapter 15

Gon's eyes are trained on Hisoka, much to Hisoka's dismay. Gon had been questioning him for the past half hour about Illumi. It was not a good time. Gon had no sense of logic, everything he said goes. So trying to explain why Hisoka and Illumi weren't really together is difficult. Very difficult. Gon just kept pressing, Hisoka is determined to keep his cool.

Finally, Killua interrupts, walking into the house and pulling Gon off with him. Thank goodness. This one time, he is hardly angry with the kid for pulling Gon away. Such a stubborn boy. Hisoka gets ready for class, the last class before the showcase. The class had a more intense practice than rehearsal, everyone's adrenaline high, excited. The showcase only days away. Hisoka had the ballet dance, a dance with the hip hop class, one with the contemporary, and a solo. Although ballet was the class he was going into the showcase with, due to his professors telling him it was his best choice, hip hop and contemporary both wanted him and how could he say no? But the stress was starting to build on him. Even with his flawless dancing, he had to memorize so much choreo... He's Hisoka, he can do it.

He stays the rest of the day at school in his favourite room. Practicing and practicing, something he rarely did for performances. This one, however, he isn't sure why it feels so different. Maybe because so many scouts were here... But that doesn't make sense. Hisoka looks at his sweaty, tired, yet still perfect, poise in the mirror. He wouldn't let himself be anything but perfect. This showcase was his. To show off him. Of course, he knew it was for the school, but each student thought the same. This is the time to shine as a dance student. Your chance to show the best dancers in the world their upcoming competition.

Hisoka needed to shine more than ever before. A smirk plays onto his lips, looking at himself in the mirror. What a wonderful challenge.

When he leaves the studio, he's weak at the knees from the hours of practice. His body will hate him tomorrow... Whatever, the practice was needed. However, his legs carry him to the hotel. He wanted to tell Illumi how stressed he is. He wants Illumi to comfort him... His legs carry him to the hotel while his mind tells him to turn around. Illumi wouldn't care. Illumi won't want to comfort Hisoka or hear about his problems. He has no reason to listen either. But Hisoka wants Illumi to hug him, tell him his performance will be perfect no matter what.

Why? Why did Hisoka suddenly want that from Illumi? He could tell Gon... No, he didn't feel comfortable telling Gon. Or anyone. Besides Illumi. Illumi is the only one he trusts with his hardship. The only one he's willing to tell. The only one he wants to tell and have comfort from.

His soulmate.

Hisoka walks straight into the hotel room and the scene in front of him makes his heart sink. Chrollo has Illumi pressed against the wall, kissing Illumi. Hisoka shuts the door all too quickly. His heart feels as though it's stopped yet going a million miles a minute. Every muscle inside him hurts, every motion as his body runs from the scene.

He feels as though he walked in on a crime scene, a murder. Yes... The murder of his soul. He thinks his name was called behind him, he thinks maybe he passed Machi on the way out, he thinks he may have knocked over a woman on his mad dash. But he couldn't be sure. Everything is a blur until he gets to his apartment, safely in his room, where the rest of the world couldn't see him.
Dropping his bag, he walks into the bathroom, turning the water way too hot, hoping he would feel it as his body has gone numb. He sits on the ground of his bathtub, still fully clothed as the water beat down on him. Trying to feel anything other than this pain. This pain eating away at his chest.

Suddenly tears were streaming down his cheeks. He could only feel the pain though, the scene replaying over and over in his mind. Why would Illumi...?

Hisoka has no idea how long he's under the burning water, but long enough for Gon to come knocking on the door telling him he's taking too long a shower with another smaller, 'are you okay' following the scolding.