Flowers and Tattoos

Ch. 9

I didn't open the cafe today, I was too upset. Yesterday I slapped Namjoon and told him I hated him. I didn't mean to slap him it just happened out of nowhere, and I don't actually hate him. I hate myself for still liking the taller male. I hate myself for still wanting to be with him and want him to myself.

Honestly it annoys me how much I still like him. Even after everything he said to me, I still like him. I felt bad for hitting him because I've never hit anybody in my whole life. I felt sick from all the crying I've been doing. I hoped Namjoon would reach out to me to talk, but he never did. I hoped I would at least just get an "I'm sorry," but I haven't.

Yoongi has been extremely protective of me, he always has been. Since school he's been like my body guard. I was always shoved around by this one kid named Daz and he was a total douche. Then when Yoongi moved to our school his senior year, my sophomore year, he suddenly stopped. Everytime he saw me he would walk the other way.

Everyday Yoongi would take me back and forth to school, wait for me in the parking lot, and he would even make my lunch. My parents lived overseas in America and never spoke to me. They would send me money but would never ask how I was doing or even called me. I lived with a cousin until he moved out, that was my junior year. In a way, Yoongi became the parent I never had. He moved in when my cousin left, we've been tight ever since.

Taehyung and Jungkook have been my best friends since elementary school, we've always been thick as thieves. We'd have sleepovers all the time and were even on the same soccer team. Taehyung and I were in the same grade and Jungkook was a grade below us. We had the same lunch together and always hung out between periods. They were like my brothers.

Jin was like the mom of the group. He was Taehyung and Jungkook's brother and the oldest. He was the shoulder to cry on, the one who would teach us right from wrong, and the one who was always there to give us advice. He was so kind and funny, and he never gave up on us no matter how stupid we were. He was truly like a mom.

Hoseok came into the picture my junior year. He was a senior and the happiest person I had ever met. He was so friendly and outgoing, we instantly clicked with him. He was like the sunshine on a rainy day. He made anything and everything fun no matter the situation. He always hugged us and reminded us all the time how amazing we all were. He was the glue that made our little group stick. Without him, we would fall apart.

My friends have been with me through everything, and while we all laid here on my apartment floor just staring at the ceiling, I realized how lucky I was. I wouldn't be able to cope with all this without them.

"We should egg his apartment." Yoongi suggested.

"We are not egging his apartment." Jin firmly said.

"Why not? Hyung it'd be fun!" Jungkook added.

"No one is egging anything. I don't feel like bailing you out." Hoseok stated.

Yoongi grumbled, "I'll be in a disguise though."

Hoseok playfully flicked his forehead, "Socko would not appreciate it."

"Who's Socko?" Taehyung asked.

"Yoongi hyung let me get an emotional support kitty! He's an all white kitten and we named him Socko." Hoseok gushed, showing us a picture.

Seeing my friends happy just made me happy. "Awww! Hyung he's so cute! Him and Milo should have a playdate!"

"Who gives their cats playdates?" Jungkook asked.

"We do now!" Hoseok&I answered at the same time.

Everyone laughed and then we all settled down again, until someone knocked on the door. I groaned and stood up. I went over to the door and opened it. It was the guy Namjoon was with yesterday.

"Can I help you?" I asked, obviously uninterested.

"Can I talk to you? Privately?" The guy asked.

I sighed and walked into the hallway, shutting the door, "Yes?"

He sighed, "I'm Jackson-"

"Okay."

He rolled his eyes, "I'm Namjoon's ex boyfriend. I just finished my therapy-"

"Oh so you're the dick who emotionally abused him."

He took a deep breath, "Yes that's me. I just wanted to say that he's happy and that he said to tell you he forgives you for slapping him."

I bitterly laughed, "Wow he wasn't man enough to tell me himself so he sent you."

His eyes darkened but his voice was calm, "His bruise is still there. He hates that you hit him, and he said he never wants to see you again."

"Well I hate the way he spoke to me and the way he avoided me. I hate the way he called me names and I hate the way he didn't care how upset I was. Go away and if I ever see you come by here again, you're gonna wish you didn't." I slammed my door in his face and locked it.

I slid down the back of it and buried my face in my knees. I've never felt so angry before and it was really scary. I didn't think I cared about my feelings towards Namjoon this much until now. I felt sick, so so sick. My stomach hurt, my head hurt, and my heart hurt. I hated myself for feeling this way.

"Jiminie? What happened?" Taehyung asked, sitting next to me.

"N-Namjoon's abusive ex-"

"Did that fucker touch you!? I swear to god I'll-" Yoongi yelled.

"No! He-He didn't touch me...But he said Namjoon hates that I hit him...a-and he never wants to see me again..." I explained, curling into myself.

Taehyung cuddled up to me and Jungkook did as well. I just cried and cried. I felt like such a horrible person. I was feeling okay until Jackson showed up. I felt so small and I was scared that I told him off. I was scared of the person I was becoming. I was scared of what the future holds.
--

It's been two days since then. The cafe is reopened and I've been trying to keep my mind focused on work. I wish his business wasn't right next to mine because I'm forced to see him every day and it sucks. I have bags under my eyes because I've been having trouble sleeping, I feel sick because when I'm upset I don't eat, and I feel horrible because of what happened. I've tried getting my mind off of it but I just can't seem to.

I felt broken, like my heart was just ripped out and stomped on. Every time that door opened I prayed it would be him. I hoped he would come walking in that door and sweep me off my feet, but he hasn't. It's been almost a full two weeks since we've last had any sort of healthy communication. I felt like a part of me was dead.

Even though I hadn't known him for more than a month, I felt like I had known him forever. I felt like we had a true, real, deep connection. We talked constantly, we saw each other every day, and every time we touched sparks went through my body. I didn't realize how much I liked him and now I regret realizing it.

All of my emotions just felt numb, I just felt numb.

"Hey Jimin, we need a floral arrangement done for date night. He wants white roses." Taehyung said, tapping my shoulder.

I simply nodded and walked back to the floral shop. I grabbed some white roses and some babies breath and got to work. I hummed a small tune and decorated the boquet. I tied it off with a red ribbon and took it up front. I hardly looked at the person, but when I did I wish I hadn't.

"Keep the change, Jimin." The voice said.

I looked up and it was Jackson, "Thanks." I mumbled.

"By the way, I didn't forget our little arguement. Just know that you're gonna regret it." And with that, he walked out of the shop.

I felt myself start to panic and I felt myself get dizzy. I grabbed onto the counter and fell, darkness over came me.