Letters to Megan-Joy

Part 4

Nothing left but the Epologue :) I hope you guys love Tony as much as I do. 

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“Dear Megan-Joy, My first day on the set was bad, but I told you it was great. I had to be completely changed to do the role. I needed to be rude, and that’s not me. I can do dark, I can do happy, but I can’t do mean. They told me they would re-cast me if I didn’t. So I thought that if I lied to you, that maybe I would find a mean streak. It worked. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I was very upset. You are the only one who understands me. You are the only one who can bring those feelings out of me. So when a girl asked me what she could do to help, I snapped at her. And I was mean. I’m not proud of it, but I am happy that I can do it now, just so they don’t re-cast me. I promise I’ll tell you about it. I promise. And It won’t become me. I love you, Megan-Joy.”

...

“Dear Megan Joy, I lied to you again. Well, not really, but it feels like it. I told you I would call, but I didn’t even text. I didn’t do it on purpose, I did it because I couldn’t with Andria breathing down my neck. There was nothing I could do, I promise! She keeps tabs on me! Has people follow me! I can’t walk down the street without her knowing. I want more than anything to talk to you. I want more than anything to see you, and be with you like we were before. I would tell you how I feel, and I would kiss you like I never knew I wanted to. I love you, Megan-Joy.”

...

They were all like that… painful, and about how upset he was without me. I wanted so badly to believe it. I wanted to run to him and tell him how sorry I was I was so hard on him. But I had to block that. I had to remind myself that he would be gone again, and that I wouldn’t see him again.

I wanted to cry all night, but I had to sleep. I knew that I was pushing my bedtime already.

With a show the next day, I had to have a certain amount of sleep. And I was pushing it by about two hours. I lay down in bed, not even bothering to change clothes, and forced myself to fall asleep.

***

Backstage was hopping with excitement. The rehearsal had gone very well, and my mood was rapidly changing. I was happier. The feeling of the stage always made me happy. The happiest days of my life were the days when Toni and I were acting together. As Romeo and Juliet. As Hamlet and Ophelia. As The Phantom and Christine. As Jesus and Mary.

I stepped on the stage as Christine and imagined Toni singing as The Phantom. I made it happy. The moment I pull off that mask I realize that it’s not him, and my face falls in a downhearted interpretation of the scene.

I am scared. Upset. Downhearted. And I imagine that he is all I had. He is all I could ever have. And I touch his face.

“Show starts in fifteen minutes!” The stage manager yelled into my dressing room. I nodded and she hustled off. I was ready. In full makeup, in the costume I would wear for the first scene. The pressure was off for this performance, it was only a demonstration for drama students. Schools held fieldtrips to it from everywhere. It is only a small thing. Not a big one, like the time we played for the Queen of England. No pressure.

“Megan- Joy,” Someone opened my door, and stood so that I could see them in my mirror.

That someone brought tears to my eyes that I knew couldn’t fall. I gasped when I saw him then quickly dove across my vanity to get a tissue to prevent my makeup from smearing.

“Toni, please get out of here! I can’t handle this!”

“MJ, I need an answer.”

“To what?”