Bird of a Nest (bow 3)

Chapter 44

The surgery was successful. Nel'os sat at the window watching Cai'ress sleep, now completely wingless. Everything had been removed, the nub and the bones. It was all gone. Leaving two distinct scars, or rather wounds that would become scars, on his back. For the moment, Cai'ress' torso was bound in white bandages which seemed to almost glow in the low lighting of the room. The blanket had slid down to the small of his back making the lack of wings even more apparent somehow. The other marks littering Cai'ress stood out more now too. Nel'os curled tighter.

It was dark. The surgery had been a long one. Beyond just the wings themselves, there had been complications. The healing had healed the physical injuries but the drugs the bastards had been pumping into Cai'ress' system to make him compliant had caused some problems. They had also been the reason Cai'ress had never truly gone under despite the amount of anaesthetic the healers had used. None of them had thought it would be something like that.

Nel'os dearly wanted to storm down to where Oh'mat was being kept and tear him apart. It was only by threads that he was staying still. Oh'mat would remind him of his own faults in this. Nel'os curled slightly as the wind blew around him.

He couldn't avoid his mates forever. He also couldn't move right now. Ryraso deserved a night of peace with the others without someone to argue with him. Someone had to be the one to watch Cai'ress. Or at least that was the excuse to he was giving himself for hiding the man's room. It wasn't like he had told them after all. Honestly, he assumed they would think he was with Ang'as and leave him be. Ang'as would assume he was with his mates. Everyone was happy knowing he was with someone and he had a night of emotional turmoil as he was watched his former lover rest and heal.

"I wonder if you could even guess why I didn't come looking for you, Cai?" Nel'os mused, unfolding and shifting to the bed. "I should have. The reasons weren't good enough. Or were they?" he wondered, a hand resting on the small of Cai'ress back under where the bandages stopped.

There was no answer. Cai'ress didn't stir, too far gone at the moment to know anything at all. Nel'os's fingers roamed, hovering over the skin. "We all have our secrets. Those skeletons in the closet that mean we have to hold back sometimes. You paid a rather steep one for ours." He let his fingers run over Cai'ress' hair before pulling the blanket up and tucking it in better than whoever had done so before. "Still doesn't stop my desire to have you far away from here. That sight you gave me, covered in Ryraso's blood, holding a knife..." Nel'os exhaled sharply, the feeling surging faster than he could control. "I need to talk to you. I can't be like the others, not about you. They can assume all they want you are not a threat but I'm the one who brought you into this. I can't," Nel'os turned away again. "I can't risk you turning on us."

Nel'os used to think humans were strange for being able to both love and hate someone at the same time but this was something was else. Despite his instincts to send Cai'ress far away, the sight of him so brutalised and scarred had his heart demanding they keep him here. Luckily for him, his mates had already fought that battle. He couldn't be claimed to be protecting his lover from justice. His mates had taken that from him.

"Mind you, I've seen what these types of things do to people. The war has made it very clear that even the most kind-hearted person can be turned into a killing machine if the right buttons are pressed. For all I know, you'll wake up and hate us all. I find it hard to believe you'll love us. We left you there," Nel'os closed his eyes, and let out a broken chuckle. "I left you there."

There was a moment of silence again. Nel'os aware of the silence, his thoughts not thinking as he sat with his chest tight and heavy. "I keep reliving that moment. For the first few days, it was of Ryraso dying. Tonight, it was of you. Somehow it got twisted and I was holding you not Ryraso." Nel'os bowed his head down, resting his hands on the back of his neck. "I can't go back. I can't fight harder to get Tai'ray to check on you. I can't break past the fear that I'll damage my relationship with him again over falling in love with someone he does not want. I can't go back and bring you with Ryraso. I can't do anything to fix this."